Hello, stinking Americans.  I am Ting Li Chapman Ikimono the exwife of miserable TV idiot Dale Chapman.  As part of my divorce settlement, I get space on lame WGIF website to advertise my book about my rotten marriage to Dale.  It called DALE, WHAT A DOUCHEBAG.  You read it and find out all the horrible stuff about dopey comedian jerk.  He purchase me from Bangkok brothel when I turn seventeen and bring me to Chicago and make me watch lousy cable access show.  Now, I get back at him with this book.  Here are some things you learn about creepy Dale when you read it:

Chapter 2: Whenever Dale is in airplane he flaps his arms the entire time and thinks if he stops plane will fall out of sky.

Chapter 5: Whenever Shirley Maclaine appears on TV, Dale starts licking the screen and shouting "I love you mommy."

Chapter 7: Dale went to prom with picture of Linda Carter taped to broom.

Chapter 8: Dale uses slices of ham instead of condom.

Chapter 11: Tim Baker has boy and girl parts.

Chapter 14: Dale gets haircut by putting crumbs on head and feeding it to goats.

Chapter 15: Dale recycles peanuts and corn from toilet.  Says they taste best that way.

Chapter 17: Dale wanted me to get boob implants on my forehead.

Chapter 20: On wedding night, Dale want to have three way with Linda Carter broom.

Chapter 22: When Bob Dole ran against Bill Clinton for president, Dale vote for Mussolini.

Chapter 25: Instead of two regular sized testicles, Dale has lots of little testicles like bag of Skittles.

Chapter 26: Dale wears toupee made out of shaved hamsters.

Chapter 28: Dale keeps keys and spare change in butt hole says he does not trust pockets.

See, I told you he was douchebag.  This is just tip of iceberg.  You buy book and see what a psychotic this dude is.  This book better than that The Hours piece of turd.  DALE, WHAT A DOUCHEBAG is wherever books about douchebags are sold.