*How come every time I go to the racetrack I only see horses running? Where are the goats?
*Michael Jordan cologne smells like Rosie O'Donnell's bathroom.
*Is it my imagination or does Roger Clemens have antlers coming out of his head?
*Call me a homo, but Doug Flutie's got a great butt.
*I don't understand Lou Gehrig's disease. If you're going to name a disease after a baseball player, why not George Mitterwald? He sucked.
*I'm thankful I never had to see Will Perdue in hot pants.
*John Tesh throws like a girl.
*Moises Alou pisses on more than just his hands. He once took a leak on me.
*Q: What are the four most feared words in women's professional tennis? A: Martina has an erection.
*You heard it here first folks, as soon as Michelle Wie's pubes come in she is posing for Playboy. Book it, Dano.
*I do not have proof that Barry Bonds is on the juice. But damn, he has got one enormous nut sack.
*People only watch pro bowling in the hope that someone's pants will split.
*When will Pete Maravich come out of this slump?
*The Oakland Raiderettes are the skankiest bunch of clap ridden whores I've ever seen.
*If
President Clinton was a hockey player, he'd have to spend 15 minutes in
the penalty box for illegal use of the dick.