Jeffrey brian white

I have been listening to testimony tapes of various believers, both whom I know and whom I don't know. In the course of listening to these, the Lord has been impressing it upon me that I should communicate some of this kind of information about myself as a witness of some of his dealings with me over time. As of the time of the first draft of this writing, I am 37 years old and have known the Lord by the Spirit for approximately 17 or 18 years. I will not discuss much of my previous life as an unregenerate sinner, but intend only to concentrate on those events in God which were defining in bringing me into covenant spiritual relationship with Yahweh through Jesus Christ. I hope this will encourage you.

I don't think I was actually asleep. I remember dreaming about a demon attempting to enter my body. So I willed my will against the demon to resist its entry. I blanked out for a moment and then awoke. It seemed somehow very real to me. I got up out of my bed and turned on the light and laid back down to return to sleep.

Again, I remember dreaming about a demon attempting to enter my body. This second time, though, it was much more forceful. I did the same as the first time, blacked out, and again awoke. My light was still on. However, this time, the scene in my bedroom was radically different. To my left, floating midair between my bed and my stereo system, was a black and gray cloud. In terms of its appearance, (it was about 2 feet across and 1.5 feet high,) it had superimposing and overlapping patterns in it much like the patterns I had seen at other times on acid, except without color. From it emanated nothing but pure unadulterated malevolent evil. I was able to clearly feel that emanation.

Straight in front of me I saw an apparition of a man. Something indicated quite clearly that this man was Jesus. I looked at him and he looked at me, looking directly into my eyes and I into his. His appearance was nothing but brilliant and radiant colors. In contrast to the evil cloud, the emanation from him was one which I perceived as being pure love. Somehow, I knew this apparition was Jesus. Temporarily, both he and the gray cloud, were simultaneously visible. I got out of bed, and walked past him into the hall to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. When I returned, I was not afraid, but surprised and marveling at what had happened.

The primary thing I gained from this experience was the realization that Jesus was alive and real, and not simply a religious figure from history or mythology.

Shortly, after this experience, since I now knew that Jesus' spirit was alive and had appeared to me, I began to speak to him when I was alone. And he spoke back. This kind of communion continued for a couple of months.

It is important that I explain something to you. Prior to this time, I had never read the Bible or any part thereof, nor was I raised in a 'Christian' family, nor had I ever attended church for any reason except for weddings and funerals.

You must also understand, that, at the time of this visitation, I did not understand that Jesus was a Saviour or God or Lord. To me, he was simply a historical figure who may or may not have existed. As far I knew, he had apparently been a good man. Although I hated religions in general, especially Christianity, it always seemed to me that Jesus must have been good, and not oppressive as the Christians as a group seemed to be. I say 'as a group' because the individual Christians I knew and had met in the course of my travels seemed to be good people, exceptions in the context of their religion. Whenever I saw him on TV, Billy Graham struck me as a good man. My ideas of religion and so-called 'spirituality' were essentially atheist. I did not believe in the existence of God, but rather viewed these things as originating from man's spirit and imagination. Any kind of supposedly supernatural powers anyone (including myself) seemed to display, I considered to be a manifestation of man's innate latent psychic abilities. Thus, I was interested in reading about parapsychology and witchcraft. To me, pure psychic ability apart from any ritual was the thing to strive for and therefore assumed that anyone who needed ritual or some kind 'magic spell' was simply not seeing things clearly; A pure projection of human will was all any of it really amounted to. This was my 'religion'.

I did, however, have many religious beliefs. I did believe in the eternal existence of one's spirit, so it made sense to me that actually seeing Jesus' spirit was possible. And that was where Jesus introduced himself.

Before Jesus appeared to me, I had one incident which really made me wonder. One night I had a dream in which I was flying a small airplane. Before me I could see the various instruments and gauges of the plane's dashboard. The plane went out of control, descending rapidly with no way of me stopping it or regaining control. The plane proceeded to crash into an erect gray-colored image of Jesus. Although I did believe at the time in the possibility clairvoyant dreams, I did not take this one very seriously - it just seemed like a rather vivid and unusual dream.

Exactly one week later, I wrecked my car. What was striking the manner in which I wrecked it. I was driving home from a friend's house after playing music with other friends. It was around midnight. While I was driving (about a half a mile from my home), the speed I had been taking for two days wore off - a descent of sorts - and I began to find myself struggling greatly to stay awake. Driving became quite treacherous, but I was determined to get home and get to bed. (It says in the Book of Proverbs »pride goeth before destruction...«) Finally, I fell asleep at the wheel. When I awoke the car was actually airborne heading straight for a telephone pole. The sensation of the motion of the car was identical to the sensation of the motion of the airplane in the dream. I tried somehow to regain control by hitting the brakes and turning the steering wheel to no avail. I hit the pole. It was the exact same color as Jesus was in the dream. I got out of the car and checked the trunk to see if I damaged my bass or other equipment. Everything was okay. I felt no pain, but found my vision somewhat distorted.

When the policeman arrived on the seen to take my statement, he estimated that I had struck the pole at about 60 miles per hour. I remember seeing the speedometer read around 55 before I nodded off. I wore no seat belt. I did hit the steering wheel with my chest, but suffered no broken bones, nor did my head hit the windshield. I did suffer a mild whiplash for a month or so thereafter. One of the things which I found amusing was that I did in fact hit the pole dead center, wrapping the license plate literally around the pole. The other interesting thing was that I kept having this awareness of God while I was examining the wreckage and talking to the policeman.

Although this did not convince me of the reality of Jesus, I never forgot it. Later on, after I believed, I realized that God was in fact with me in the whole experience.

During this time, I had been seeing psychologists at one of the local mental health clinics in my town. One of the things I would do when I felt overwhelmed with anxiety and despair and depression and an extremely acute sense of hopelessness was to call their help line to talk to one of the counselors. From time to time, no counselor would be available, so I would wind up talking to the switchboard operator. Well, it turned out that this one operator was a Christian lady who was very nice to me and would talk to me between other incoming calls. Our conversations became somewhat free-flowing and easy over the course of time. (I called the line frequently.) She was always able to calm me down into pleasant talk and she would talk about the things of God to me.

Well, one day I told her about my dealings with the spirit of Jesus. She then explained that I needed to ask him to come into my heart. (This was early on in my phone conversations with her.) I said to her, "That's all I need to do?", and promptly hung up the phone and did exactly what she had suggested. When I did, I noticed a distinct change in my consciousness. Things looked brighter in the house. My mind seemed somehow cleaner. I felt relieved and certain sense of peace. I picked up my bass and began to play music. Once again, I was able to enjoy it. I knew I was changed in some small, but very definite way.

When I told what I had done and how I felt changed, she rejoiced. After that she continued to encourage me to pray and told me many more things about God.

Concurrent with all of these events, I had gotten acquainted with a woman (in her 60's) who had picked me up hitchhiking several times and had been kind enough to actually drive me all the way home, even though that was at least 10 miles out of her way. Her name was Olga. I'll never forget her. When I first met her, I did not know that she was a believer in Jesus, but she and I discovered that we could talk for hours on end. This woman was a great comfort to me, both before and after I had first believed. A couple of months after I had asked Jesus into my heart, she gave me a Bible and told me I should read it. I had never even opened a Bible before, and the Bible she gave me was the first Bible I had ever owned, at least, as far as I know.

So I began to read. I read the whole thing rather quickly. As I read through, I noticed that many things which the spirit of Jesus had spoken to me after his appearance to me were written there in the Scriptures. I was amazed at this and wondered and marveled. Olga's gift to me has turned out to be one of the best gifts anyone has ever given me. I love the Scriptures and enjoy reading through them over and over again.

Olga prayed much for me during this time and very often counseled me in the things of God. I know not whether she will ever know the good she has done, but I can never forget her kindness and friendship which she gave during that time. All that she gave, she gave with kindness and love, and she never complained about any of it. I thank God for her friendship.

After I had been reading the Bible awhile, the Switchboard Operator (I don't remember her name) told me that I needed to be baptized and told me about a baptismal service at a church in another town. I knew my heart that I had to be there and get baptized. I knew nothing about baptism or any of the truth connected with it, but I knew I had to be there. My roommate went with me, but was hesitant about the whole thing. Nevertheless, we went. While the pastor was preaching, I felt as though I were in a realm of utter surreality, and do not remember a single thing he preached. I do remember the call to come down for baptism.

Well, anyway, at the end of his message, the preacher made a call for all who were to be baptized to form a line and proceed one by one to the baptismal tank. When I got there, I stepped in the water fully clothed and the preacher and another man immersed me in the water. They did this twice because they fully expected me to come up out of the water speaking in tongues. I didn't speak in tongues, but I knew something was different within me and assured them of that. I remember especially a feeling of cleanliness as I walked up out of the water. I knew that the Lord had done something within me there.

As I walked through all of these things, I continued to pray and read the Bible. By this time, I had bought myself a pocket-sized New Testament and had been given another. I read it as much as I had opportunity to do so. One of the things I began to ask Jesus was to lead me to a church where they actually taught the Truth. As it turned out, right around this time, a friend of my mother's, who was also a friend of mine, invited me to attend the church where she was attending. So, I asked Jesus if I should, and his response was that I should. So, I did. Being a Methodist Holiness type church, they very much emphasized the authority and integrity of the Scriptures and also a notion called 'holiness'. This was a new concept for me. They also preached a complete deliverance from indwelling sin in connection with it. While I understand these things somewhat differently now, I learned a lot about God there and about many foundational truths which remain with me to this day. I made many friends in the church and learned about sharing the Gospel with others.

Now, during much of this time, I was still going to psychological counseling, although it wasn't really helping much. Since I was now a Christian, I changed to a 'Christian' psychologist whom they had on staff. She wasn't much help either. One day after a session with her, the Lord spoke to my spirit not to go back there anymore. That was the last time I went. A couple of days later, I called and told them that I was not going to come in any more. The Holy Spirit gave me no reason for this at the time. Later on, I learned (through my own studies) that modern psychology is what amounts to a secularized descendant of pagan religions and witchcraft and Hinduism all mixed together. I remember reading a verse in the Bible one day which said »no man ever hated his own flesh« and realizing that I never had any problem loving myself at all. This was important, for I had long grappled with the diagnosis that I had low self-esteem and needed to learn to love myself. (They had also told me that I needed to love myself before I could love others.) Another problem that was undone in this event was a Scriptural problem on account of someone interpreting Jesus' imperative »love your neighbor as yourself« as meaning the same as what the psychologist had said. What I realized was that I needed to learn to love others as devotedly as I already loved myself. This revolutionized some of my understanding and gave me an insight into the way people sometimes misinterpret Scripture. As I've gone on with the Lord over the years, I have come to realize many other specific ways in which modern psychology is in theory and practice contrary to the Spirit of God. To be sure, it not psychology we need, but Jesus!

A couple of years or so after I believed, the Lord began to deal with me about the Holy Ghost Baptism. When I first heard the term "baptism with the Holy Spirit", I did not know what this meant. On account of my ignorance, I believed it when a pastor said it was "entire sanctification", which referred to an experience in which one was supposedly cleansed of all indwelling sin instantaneously. This was a wrong definition of the term "baptism with the Holy Spirit" and one not found anywhere in Scripture. Along with this teaching, I was also wrongly told that glossolalia or "speaking in tongues" was not a part of it. To "sanctify" simply means "to set apart" unto some purpose or person. To "baptize" means "to immerse" or "dip". I did not know these things at the time, and so I prayed for God to baptize me in the Holy Spirit without understanding what that meant. Every time I prayed for this, the Lord would manifest his Presence unto me and I would experience a sense of peace as I prayed. I interpreted this to mean that I was baptized in the Spirit, and sanctified. But I didn't speak in tongues as they did in the book of Acts, nor did I truly cease from all sin.

Nevertheless, Jesus was faithful and brought people across my path and opened my understanding as read the Scriptures. One person brought me a book by Kenneth Hagin called How To Receive The Holy Spirit. Others shared their testimonies of their experiences with me. But the church doctrine I had been taught contradicted these things. I did not believe I needed to speak in tongues and contended that I was "Spirit-filled". But those testimonies left me without peace.

This contention with other believers (and with the Truth) escalated until I was almost ready to opine and contend that speaking in tongues was demonic. I did my very best to prove that speaking in tongues wasn't necessary, used all of my best 'scriptural' arguments, but alas! the only arguments that supported this position were unfounded - they were derived from religious tradition and not found in the Scriptures at all. Try as I might, the issue of glossolalia would not go away.

One night, I was outside walking through the college campus, in prayer. The Spirit of God said to me essentially that I would not be filled with the Spirit without speaking in tongues. He showed me directly that it was the will of God that I speak in tongues and revealed the inner rebellion of my heart that had prevented me from believing and receiving the Spirit of God. I said, "Okay". Then I started to speak in a language which I had never heard before and noticed a slight alteration in my consciousness. I continued praying in this language over the next couple of days.

A few days later, I was walking past a church on my way to visit a co-worker at the gas booth where we worked and the Spirit said to me, "Go in there". So, I went in and sat down in one of the pews. There was a preacher in there preaching with great enthusiasm and a very real sense of the Presence of God in the place. At the end of his sermon, he made an altar call for anyone who had a need of any kind to come up and pray with him. A line formed. The Spirit said, "Get in line". I got in line. When it was my turn to pray, the guy looked at me and asked me if I had received the Holy Ghost. When I said, "I think so", he said, "You think so? You gotta know!" So we prayed. I don't remember exactly what we prayed, but the next thing I knew, »in the twinkling of an eye« as it were, I found myself sitting on the floor, excitedly speaking in tongues and feeling wonderful, shocked, and intoxicated simultaneously. After that, I knew for sure. When I left the church, I went around to different friends telling them about my experience and continued speaking in tongues non-stop for 3 days without sleeping a wink.

You could say that my doctrine was changed after that.

After I was baptized in the Spirit, I shared this with almost all of the believers I knew. (I must admit, that I could have perhaps handled all of this a bit more wisely if I had truly known how.) This resulted me being told that I was usurping the pastor's authority in the church and I was asked to leave. I never once questioned his authority, and never sought to gather followers around me. Nevertheless, I left and the Lord told me where to go. I went to church there for many years.

There are many more things I could tell, and maybe I will someday. My only purpose in sharing this is to illustrate through testimony some of the ways and circumstances through which Jesus has revealed himself to me and drawn me closer to him, because that's what all of this is about, knowing the Lord. All I can say is that Jesus is willing to reveal himself to anyone who will call upon his name and believe. His ways are really quite a bit simpler than we realize. Although it did not mean that much to me in those earlier years, now I find myself being ever more able to bear witness to the apostle Paul's words - »I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me«. I thank God for the blood of Jesus which was poured out for me. Though I didn't truly understand it back then, his blood opened the way for me and availed the grace of God toward me, so that the Spirit of Jesus opened my eyes to him and led me step by step into a more intimate knowledge of himself. I was one evil person before I came to know Jesus, but he delivered me and healed me and drew me by the Holy Spirit into this life which I now live. And I have erred, even gravely erred, at times. But even these things he has taken hold of and turned that I might know him better in spite of those things and also through those things, so great is his Wisdom. If you have not yet committed yourself to him, just call upon his name. Ask what you will, and he will work with you to lead you into your very intimate relationship your Maker and Saviour. Out of his great love for his creation, especially for the children of Adam, made in his likeness and image, intended to be the dwellingplace for his manifest glory and Presence, Yahweh gave his only begotten son, Jesus, that we might not die, but have everlasting life in union with Yahweh, the Fountain of Living Waters. As the Scripture says of him: »Behold, he doeth all things well«!

The Holy Spirit, who is also the Spirit of Truth, is the Great Orchestrator of the will of the Father, and he is the one who orchestrated all of these things in my life, governing literally hundreds of thousands of variables to bring me to this day as I am and execute the will of God in my life and person. In reflecting on these memories, I am impressed by and marvel at his great wisdom and power. As John wrote, »God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.« Praise God.