Return to the Portland Journal

This page contains the archives of my journal of my adventures in Oregon. As a bit of background, on May 20th, 1996, I began a one year temporary work assignment in the Portland area. I have never been to Portland before, so this move is filled with question marks. The question marks were increased by the fact that I am a life-long Detroit native, who was actually happy in the Motor City (believe it or not!). The main page was getting a bit full, so I moved the older entries here for reference purposes. Enjoy!

May 24, 1996 - I arrived in town on the 20th. That night, I stayed in a hotel, because the apartment I was supposed to stay in had not yet been vacated. Turns out that two of my new coworkers were still living there. On Tuesday, they got booted (talk about team building!) and I moved in. The phone, however, failed to follow. It managed to catch up with me today. My new boss thinks I'm tired due to the jet lag. Fact is, I was at Cedar Point last weekend -- it usually takes me about a week to recover from The Point! I haven't seen any of the city yet -- that's still to come. (Might happen this weekend!) At least the sun is shining today!

May 25, 1996 - Another sunny day today. Being Saturday, I didn't have to work, so I took a long walk into downtown Gresham. The town reminds me a lot of Royal Oak, Michigan about 15 years ago, only a bit smaller. During my walk, I thought of a short poem:

The grass is green,

The trees are too.

So why is the tab

On my Dr. Pepper blue?

Ah, the mysteries of mankind. Speaking of mysteries, I may just be imagining things, but it seems to me that the Dr. Pepper, Coke, steaks, and turkey just don't seem to have as much flavor here. On the other hand, the bread for the Subway sandwich was fantastic! Do the people in Oregon prefer food that is a little more bland? Or is that why there are so many Mexican restaurants here? The world may never know!

May 26, 1996 - Partly sunny today. Decided to ride the light rail system (called MAX) into downtown Portland. Interesting trip -- saw a bit of the city on the way in. Looks a bit like a scaled-down and cleaner version of New York City. Lots of people on the streets. Like most big cities, some of these people had a, uh, shall we say, unique appearance. Had dinner at a place called Jake's Grill. On the outside, it looked similar to the various Irish taverns in Detroit, so I went in. When I got inside, I realized I looked a bit like a shlub -- I was wearing a T-shirt and blue jeans, while the staff was wearing white coats and black ties. Fortunately, there were other shlubs in the place, so I ate there, anyway. The restaurant was rather expensive, but that's OK once in a while. It did nothing to change my opinion, however, that the food here just does not seem to have as much flavor as in Detroit. Either that, or the airline food killed my taste buds. I'll be sure to check that out next time I return to Detroit! Regardless, the Prime Rib was reasonably good. They put dill in the mashed potatoes -- something I've never seen before. I'm not entirely certain I liked the dill in the potatoes, but I still ate them. I had a Chocolate Mousse for desert. Why is it that even the worst Chocolate Mousse I had in France was worlds better than the best Chocolate Mousse I've had anywhere else? What are the French not telling us? Ah well, it was chocolate, and that automatically makes it good!

May 28, 1996 - Had a thunderstorm today like the type I'm used to seeing in Detroit -- almost felt like home! All the Portlanders tell me that there aren't supposed to be storms like that here. Odd as it may seem, I actually look forward to the spring thunderstorms in Detroit -- I find the nastiest of them to be thrilling! Even though storms like that aren't supposed to happen in Portland, I hope I see some more of them! (It wasn't as exciting as a Detroit storm, but it wasn't all bad, either.) Had dinner at Wall Street Pizza. It was actually rather good -- first food I've had here that seemed to incorporate flavor as an ingredient! Seems I'll be spending a couple days in Albuquerque next week -- first Oregon, now New Mexico? What's the heck is going on!?! Well, at least I seem to have a work phone, now. (I'm not really sure what the number is, however!) Too bad the phone comes with a pager (I HATE those things!) Hmmm... how long does it take a pager to reach sea level from the top of Mt. Hood? Might make an interesting experiment!

May 31, 1996 - Wow, what a day! It was mostly sunny today. I started off with getting my first look inside the Wafer Fabrication Plant where I am working. I should clarify. I've been in the building, but this was my first time in the actual production area. Due to it being a clean room, I had to get all covered up in gowns, masks, boots, gloves, goggles, and hoods. The production facility sure is more impressive than the Wafer Fabrication Laboratory at Michigan State! After work, I decided to go into downtown Portland. Today is the beginning of the Rose Festival. As a result, there was a fair downtown, plus fireworks. I went on a few rides, then stuck around for the fireworks display. The 25 minute display was very impressive. The only thing I would change about it would be to add music, like with the 4th of July fireworks in Detroit. The downtown area was just jumping with people -- maybe Detroit should consider more downtown activities such as fairs, parades, and fireworks (other than just for holidays) to try and liven up its downtown area. I had dinner at the fair -- $8 for a hot dog, Coke, and French Fries. Ouch! And I thought Cedar Point's food was expensive! The Point is a bargain in comparison! (The food at The Point tastes better, too.) Well, the evening was still a lot of fun. One ride I went on was the Starship 2000. I guess I should have taken a clue from the fact that everyone else on that ride was approximately half my age. All the loose skin flops backwards. Even at 29, there is enough loose skin to make that ride a bit uncomfortable! I'd probably ride it again, however. I also rode the Sea Dragon, Tilt-a-Whirl, and Typhoon. That's all I had time for before the fireworks. Then I rode MAX back to Gresham. Due to all the people leaving the city, MAX was tough to get on, and it was running a bit slow. I think they could learn a few lessons from cities like New York and London! It's still easier than driving downtown and trying to find a place to park, however, so I won't make any significant complaints.

June 1, 1996 - Well, June is upon us. I notice one major change in my activities since coming to Portland -- I'm doing quite a bit more walking. Near my house in Troy, walking didn't seem to really get me very far. Here, however, I can hop on MAX and get to Portland. The MAX station is about 1 1/2 miles away, so it's close enough to walk. I figure all of this walking will do one of two things. Either my legs will become as strong as they were before my knee injury in '88, or they will collapse altogther. Either way, I suspect my mobility will somehow be affected! I just wish I had my Rollerblades out here -- quite a few good places to 'blade. (I'll be going home for a weekend in just one week, so I'll be sure to get them then.) Saw the movie "Spy Hard" today. Not as good as some of Leslie Nielsen's movies, but it did have it's good moments. The theater did help me to appreciate the Star Theaters a bit more, however. When Star claims to be "the world's best run movie theaters," I've often said, "Yeah, sure." So far, however, their claims seem to be holding up reasonably well. The sound in this theater was not particularly good, and the seats were very uncomfortable. I saw the matinee, however, so at least I didn't have to pay full price! My overall impression of Portland is that it is a nice city to visit. If I had family here, I sure I would find it to be a good place to call home. Being that most of my family and friends reside in Detroit, however, I still can't justify making this assignment permanent. Maybe I'll meet some more people and that will change, but for now, I still expect the assignment to be temporary. (Hey -- folks in Oregon! Ya want to introduce me to your city? Send me a note! Look forward to hearing from you!) Say, does anyone have a book "How to Live in Oregon for $0 a Day?" My paychecks seem to have failed to follow me, so I could really use such a book! (I'm sure that'll be worked out soon!) Tomorrow I leave for Albuquerque, so I might not have an update for a little while. Stay tuned -- like The Terminator, I'll be back!

June 5, 1996 - Got back from Albuquerque last night. Here are some highlights of the trip. I flew out of Portland on June 2. The flight from Portland to Salt Lake City was uneventful. I was a bit concerned about the flight from Salt Lake to Albuquerque. I can't be entirely certain, but I don't think it's a good sign when the interior of an airplane looks like it was designed by the same people who designed the original interior of the Brady Bunch set, and smells like my grandmother's house! Amazingly enough, the Nightmare in the Sky managed to land safely. On June 3, following work, I took a trip on the Tramway up the mountain. What a gorgeous trip! The view is spectacular! Actually, I think that if I had a choice between Portland and Albuquerque, New Mexico might just win. Being the desert, there was quite a bit of brown ground, but Albuquerque, unlike Portland, is usually sunny. Dinner that night was great. I had a prime rib, followed by a Khalua Brownie sundae. Yum! I flew home on June 4. Again, the first leg of the flight was uneventful. The Salt Lake to Portland trip, however, left something to be desired. The flight attendants were pathetic. They failed to close a full bin prior to takeoff, which demonstrates the level of their attentiveness. When they finally managed to come around with the beverages, they asked me what I wanted, then slammed it down on my tray, as if I was inconveniencing them by actually wanting a beverage! Well, maybe I'll be able to avoid flying Delta in the future! Tomorrow, I'll be flying back to Detroit for my first weekend home. See you next week!

June 16, 1996 - I had my first weekend at home -- how nice! I'm so glad I hauled my golf clubs home so that it could rain Sunday, thereby preventing me from playing! Oh well, the hernia will heal. I brought my roller blades back to Oregon with me, and used them for the first time last night. One of my observations when I went home was that there seemed to be many more bugs in Michigan than Oregon. During my roller blading, I realized that there are just as many bugs here, but they hide out on the roller blade trails! They recently opened a paved trail in Gresham for roller bladers -- I wish Troy would do that. For the City of Tomorrow, Today, they could use a few lessons from the City of Yesterday, Tomorrow (that being Gresham)! Ah, but it was fun. Unfortunately, I was about 4 miles out when I overrotated by about 5 degrees on an attempt to perform a quadruple reverse axle, thereby causing me to make an unrequested contact with the planetary surface. (Well, that's the line I'm using to try and get a date -- actually, I just slipped!) I temporarily forgot the first rule of flying: "The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss." I forgot to miss. The result: the hip is now roughly the size of a Volvo. Best part about it, since I was 4 miles out, I had to return 4 miles on that slightly-imperfect appendage. I made it without any additional mishaps, so I'll be back blading just as soon as the swelling goes down. Now for a serious note. I know that my group in Troy occasionally reads this page to find out what is going on here. I don't mean this statement as a way of "brown-nosing", it's just the truth. I miss my old group. My current group is good, but I felt more comfortable with the people in my old group. For one thing, they had learned a bit about how to interpret my, uh, unique sense of humor. I'm sure this group will grow on me -- they're a good bunch. However, I definitely enjoyed chatting with the people in my old group during my trip home. Keep in touch, gang!

June 16, 1996 - Went to downtown Portland yesterday for dinner, then went walking around the area. I must say, it is the first time I've ever seen a man being led around on a chain by two women. Very interesting people in this city! Today, I went to the West Coast, to a town called Seaside. Nice little town. The main street is a bit like a carnival. There were fudge and taffy places, games, arcades, and even a couple of rides. I rode the Tilt-A-Whirl -- it's not the Magnum XL-200, but it was still fun! I also picked up some Salt Water Taffy and some fudge -- I forgot to get those my last time at Cedar Point, so at least I can enjoy them thanks to Seaside! I haven't tried the fudge yet, but the taffy is quite good. There are definitely more things I will want to do on the coast -- it's a nice area. It has more of a small town feel than Portland -- sort of the type of feeling I had in Birmingham (even though Birmingham is quite a bit ritzier!) The main difference, however, is that Seaside is about 1.5 hours from Portland, while Birmingham is quite a bit closer to Detroit. I like Portland and Oregon, but I still prefer Detroit. Guess I'm just a Midwesterner!

June 17, 1996 - Made reservations to go to Salt Lake City, Utah in the upcoming weekend. I'm going to stay with my sister, and see The Monkees 30th anniversary concert. Should be fun! I received a rather amusing letter from my employer, with whom I have been employed for nearly 4 years, today. It seems that they appreciate my recent inquiry regarding employment. They have notified me that they are reviewing my qualifications and are comparing them to their current staffing requirements. If I meet their needs, they will contact me within 45 days. I wonder, if I don't meet their needs, does that mean I need to look for another job? If they offer me a job, will they offer me more money than they are paying me now? (Of course, they'd almost HAVE to pay me more -- there's much more room to go up than there is to go down!) Well, here's a guess as to what happened. When I was discussing the opportunity to go to Oregon, I was asked for a resume. Apparently that resume was misplaced, so I was asked for another copy. Someone probably picked up the first one, realized they had it, and decided to send it to the staffing department. Hmmm... If I recommend myself, and I get hired, do I get the employee referral bonus?

June 20, 1996 - There's a special guest in town at work -- the Big Chief, the Head Honcho, The Top Dog, The Big Cheese, Tne Main Man -- he's here! I gave him my web page address, so I felt I should mention him! There is a small group of us out here under his guidance, and he asked us to send him some thoughts on our experiences. So, I guess it's time I try for that promotion: I think everyone on the planet ought to make a career move to Oregon -- It's great, it's wonderful, it's fabulous, it's magnificent, one might even go so far as to say, it's OK! Seriously, I do feel it is a good experience. If a person likes to fish, ski, and/or hike, they will love Oregon. Unfortunately, if a person is into baseball and amusement parks, like me, they might find it a bit tougher to adjust. That's part of why I am here for temporary duty, and why I currently expect to return to Detroit after a year. That could change -- I'm looking for other things to do here. If I find enough things to hold my interest, then I would consider relocating. I actually think it might be easier to make the move if I had a wife -- we could make the move together, thereby tackling the new experiences with someone we know. Many of the people in this account are married or have a significant other. In most of those cases, the partner is either here, or will be coming shortly. I consider those people to be lucky -- they can explore the area together. On a professional level, I feel this move was good for me. On a personal level, I still miss Detroit -- there is no doubt that it is my home. Homesick? Never -- I don't do that sort of thing! However, the things that tend to make me feel good when I'm not working are near Detroit. Here, I have my work. I need to find other things to do when I'm not working. As demonstrated on previous days' notes, I have been trying different things, and I will continue to do so. For anyone who is feeling "comfortable" in their work, I do recommend considering making a change -- it isn't as scary as I thought it would be! Give it a try, you might just be glad you did! (Sorry for the sales pitch -- I'll try to resume the "lighter" discussions next time! Oh, and, no, I'm not just saying what I've said to try to make the boss happy, I stated what I really feel.)

June 25, 1996 - Well, I saw The Monkees in Salt Lake City -- what fun! I really had a great time! I'm looking forward to this fall -- The Monkees stated that they are currently working on a new album which they expect will be released in the fall. Groovy! (Sorry, had to use a bit of the '60's!) I've decided that I was born at the wrong time. Looking at a musical viewpoint, I belong in the '60's. From a technology standpoint, my time is still yet to come. (Can you say "Star Trek"? I'm sure you can!) I guess the Heavenly Comedians decided to drop me somewhere in the middle! Well, back to Salt Lake -- I stayed with my sister, nephew, and niece. They sure are great kids! Unfortunately, their ol' uncle isn't used to all that activity -- I think they broke me! I figure I should be standing again within a month or two! On a more sincere note, I think my sister is doing a great job raising those two. They are wonderful children! While in Salt Lake, my sister took the whole gang to an Alpine Slide -- that was neat. I rode down the slide with my nephew. Next time, I'll know that I can go a bit faster! I was a bit too cautious, because I figured that if I crashed with Anthony, my sister would kill me! (Figuratively speaking, of course!) That night, Julie (that's my sister) let me drive her car to the concert. Now, here is someone who is used to driving an automatic transmission car on flat ground trying to drive a stick shift in the mountains in an unfamiliar city. I truly amazed myself -- I found the concert, I found my way back to my sister's house, and four of the five gears still work! (OK, just kidding, ALL the gears still work!) I wish I had more time to stay there. Salt Lake and Park City are beautiful. I really hope the 2002 Olympics don't totally ruin that wonderful area.

July 1, 1996 - I went home last weekend. There was quite a story about the air travel, but you can read about that on a different page. Just select the Airline Escapades link, and read all about it! At home, I managed to play two rounds of golf. Unfortunately, I totally failed to play any GOOD rounds of golf. Oh well, maybe next time! I tried a different restaurant here tonight. Stuart Anderson's Cattle Company, as it is called, has a fairly good steak. It still isn't as tasty as some of the steaks in Detroit, but it had more flavor than any other beef I've had out here. It's going to be four weeks before I head home again. I intend to try and find some activities in Oregon which might convince me to relocate. As it is, all anyone seems to do here is hike and fish, fish and hike. When they aren't doing that, they tend to be fishing or hiking. Hmmm.... Too bad I don't like fishing! Anyway, it's only fair to my employer for me to try and find a reason to relocate. The area is definitely very nice, but I have to find activities that I would enjoy while I'm not working, or it just doesn't make sense to relocate. One cannot survive on beauty alone! (Um, no, I'm not THAT conceited -- I meant the beauty of Oregon!) I still think it's a great place for those who like a quiet, relaxed atmosphere. I may reconsider when this ol' body of mine forces me to start slowing down! By my estimates, this body is due for a total physical collapse any day now! Sort of like an earthquake -- it may happen tonight, it may wait for years, but it will probably come! Until then, I think I need the faster pace of a city like Detroit.

July 4, 1996 - I hardly even know where to begin on this one! I went to the Waterfront Blues Festival tonight. It was quite fun. I started out with dinner at Hamburger Mary's. Naturally, when "hamburger" is in the name of the restaurant, it only seems right to get a hamburger, so I did. The bun was a very unusual multi-grain. I could swear I hit a couple of woodchips in it, albeit good tasting woodchips! The restaurant had a Disco Hawaii atmosphere -- not something I've ever seen before. Floral prints and a mirror ball highlighted the decor. Following dinner, I went to the festival. The music was good, but the people watching made it all worthwhile! I was surprised to see that there are that many, uh, interesting people in Portland. I saw jewelry in places I had never before imagined, plus a variety of interesting hair colors (the lady with the Emerald Green hair was my favorite), and some unique clothing styles. There was one couple where they both had a dreadnaught style, and he had a couple of bones in his hair. For a moment, I thought I was watching the Flintstones movie! Quite a few boats were parked along the riverfront. One sailboat was owned by a rather inebriated gentleman. A couple of times, he jumped off the boat into the water, waded to shore, staggered up the rocks, tripped over the fence, and wandered off (presumably to use the restroom). The first time he tried to return, a security guard refused to let him climb back over the fence. As a result, this man presented a "donation" to the security guard, who then went for a walk down the other side of the park! The man then stumbled back to his boat, where my friends and I gave him a round of applause. He acknowledged by raising his drink to us. Speaking of drunks, there was a skywriter who seemed to have a bit of difficulty figuring out what he was doing. I'm still not sure what was written -- appeared to be something about an air museum, but that's just a guess. The letters were all different sizes, with wild spacing, and occasional extra lines. To top it off, he drew something totally unrecognizable. The whole evening was capped off with a 20 minute firework display. I understand the Vancouver display is much bigger, but the Portland display was more convenient, since I was already at the blues festival. Overall, it was a very enjoyable evening, with excellent company, and many interesting sights.

July 7, 1996 - On Friday, I finally pulled out the golf clubs and hacked my way through the Gresham Golf Club. One phrase comes to mind: "My kingdom for the ability to chip!" It was a nice course, but I've never seen a course that was so incredibly straight -- not a single dog leg in sight. Yesterday (Saturday) was an especially interesting day. I embarked on my first experience white water rafting. I'll admit that I was a bit hesitant to go. Was I afraid? Absolutely not! Here was the thought process: "Do I really want to drive 3 hours in order to spend all that money to have to work to get the boat from one spot to another, neither of which I really need to be at, just to hop in a van and ride back to the starting spot?" That's that old cheapskate in me poking through again! Alas, I decided, what the heck, and I'm glad I did. The trip down the McKenzie River was quite beautiful and fun. It was made even better by the company of the other 5 rafters and Skeeter, the guide. I think he is the first person I have ever met who was named "Skeeter." Of the other rafters, two were coworkers, plus one of their wives (the other isn't married), and their real estate agent and her boyfriend (I think!). Oddly enough, I don't recall doing anything but house hunting with my real estate agent. Anyway, in between rapids, we had a few splash fights, including some attacks on another rafting party. Naturally, we soaked 'em! It is my understanding that these were fairly calm rapids. If I can pry my wallet open for a next time, perhaps it will be on a bit rougher a river! (There probably will be a next time -- I really did enjoy it.) In case anyone is wondering, no, it won't replace Cedar Point amusement park, but it is still fun. I haven't decided what to do yet for today. My shoes are still drenched, so I'll have to wear my work shoes, so I don't want to have to do too much walking. I may go to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry (OMSI), or possibly to catch a movie. Oh, one more thing about yesterday. I found that there are places in Oregon where steaks can have flavor. On the way home, I ate at a Red Lion between Eugene and Salem. (That's narrowing it down to about 60 miles!) They had a very tasty prime rib. Now if I can only find something like that in Portland... Ah, one more thing. One of the rafters, Theresa (I hope that's the right spelling), apparently was upset because I didn't mention her name in relation to the blues festival on Thursday. Well, Theresa, you have now been mentioned by name. Have a great day!

July 8, 1996 - I did manage to get my lazy tuckus off the couch and went to OMSI yesterday. Well, OK, I've clearly not been all that lazy recently, but I was feeling lazy yesterday! Despite that, I still went to OMSI. That's a pretty good museum -- I'll definitely have to go back to explore it some more. Best part of all -- I didn't have to pay! My Cranbrook Institute of Science membership got me in free of charge! Yippee! In addition to a Science of Star Trek exhibit, they had several hands-on exhibit halls, plus an Omnimax theater, and a plantetarium/laser light show. I only went through the exhibits yesterday. Perhaps I'll tackle more in the near future. No plans for the upcoming week, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. Oh, Theresa's husband printed off a copy of this page to take to Theresa. I may still be in trouble for forgetting to mention her chocolate chip cookies! (They were good, by the way. Will being nice get me some more? Gee, no obvious flattery attempt here!) Oddly enough, my coworkers asked to NOT be mentioned by name on this page. Maybe Theresa should have taken that as a hint!

July 14, 1996 - Today, I hiked up Multnomah Falls, pictured above. The hike is about 1.2 miles each way, going up about 620 feet. For an experienced hiker, this trip is no doubt about as easy as walking across a street. For a native Detroiter, that street would be I-696 at rush hour! (Don't know I-696? Picture 4 lanes of traffic (each direction) moving at 80 miles per hour with about 5 feet between cars, and THAT is if the weather is bad!) The legs are a bit tired, but the view was worth it. I'm defnitely going to have to do more of these hikes! Yesterday, I played another round of golf. This course is the first one I have ever seen that does not accept a credit card for the greens fees -- talk about inconvenient! Ah well, I stumbled through the course, anyway. While on the course, I spotted a very strange man with bright orange hair singing, "I'm Mr. Heat Miser, I'm Mr. Hot..." I promptly clobbered him with my pitching wedge -- only time that club has been useful all season! It certainly doesn't help me with my chipping! My long game was reasonably good yesterday, but my chipping was even worse than usual. My Kingdom for a helpful chipping lesson! (Of course, you'll have to wait until I actually get a kingdom. That should be sometime around the year 2075, give or take a millenium.) The temperature over the past few days has gotten up to around 100 degrees -- I was told it NEVER got that hot here! Anyway, to seek refuge from the heat, I saw two movies this weekend: Mission: Impossible, and The Cable Guy. On the Harpo scale of 0 to 5 pocket protectors, I give Mission: Impossible 3.5 pocket protectors, and The Cable Guy 2.5 pocket protectors. Want to know why? You'll just have to write me and ask!

July 20, 1996 - It's been another busy weekend so far. Yesterday, I went to downtown Portland for dinner. While down there, I visited Powell's Book Store. That's quite a store! The number of books just boggles the mind! Among those books, I was able to find several by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the writer of the Sherlock Holmes stories. He wrote quite a bit more than just Holmes, as I discovered back in high school. About 10 years ago, I came across some of his non-Holmes stories, and found them to be very good -- possibly better than Sherlock! He wrote some science fiction, horror stories, romance, dramas -- quite a variety, and they are all very good. Well, I've been looking for years for more of his stories and couldn't find them -- until I went to Powell's. They had quite a few used Doyle books, of which I bought 4. These books were actually printed around 1920, but they are in reasonably good shape. There are others which interest me, but I can't recall if I already have the reprints of those books from 10 years ago. I'll check on it next time I'm home. If I don't have them, I'll be back to Powell's! Today was the company picnic, held at Rooster Rock State Park. We had a good time. Some joker suggested putting the water baloons on ice. I just don't know WHO would come up with such a mean idea! It certainly wouldn't have been the innocent-looking person at the top of this page, would it? Naw, couldn't be! I was somewhat impressed with the restaurant I chose for dinner. It was nothing fancy, and the food was only adequate, but there was one good feature. They were running rather slow, and, to top it off, accidentaly cooked up the wrong sandwich in place of my order. As a result, it took even longer. I wasn't in a hurry, so I wasn't about to complain, but, without my complaining, the waitress told me that the entree was on the house to make up for the delay. Actions like that tell me that they care, and that's impressive. I'll be golfing on yet another course tomorrow. May the Dieties of Chipping smile upon me (for a change)!

July 21, 1996 - Well, I went golfing at Eastmoreland, at it wasn't a particularly pretty sight. If a person could die of embarrasment, I wouldn't have survived this round. By the 16th hole, I decided that I had had my fill of futility, so I put the clubs away and just rode along for the rest of the round. Today, nothing worked. My timing was off, I couldn't get a comfortable grip, the stance felt wrong, there was no rhythm -- other than that, it went great! Anyway, I've reached one of those crossroads where I need to decide whether to continue trying, or just dump the clubs in the nearest recycling bin. In one week, I'll be home on vacation. I'll probably get a lesson at that time. If it seems to help, I'll keep going. Otherwise, golf and I may part ways, at least for a while. Last year, I stopped golfing for about six weeks, and it seemed to help -- I returned to have my best game ever! I'll just have to see how it goes.

July 24, 1996 - Riding the MAX train reminds me of a Bill Cosby routine called, "A Nut In Every Car." He was talking about the New York City subways, but he could just as easily have been talking about MAX! On my way downtown, I saw an interesting character who was searching for bottles. He spotted a woman whom he apparently considered attractive, so he sat next to her and struck up a conversation. She was remarkably polite, even though she clearly was not interested in speaking with this man. Finally, he got off, and she called out, "Have a great day!" in a very cheery voice. Another man came on and just started waving at everybody for no particular reason. On the return trip, an older gentleman sat in the back and started telling stories. He sounded very much like a stereotypical Miner 49er. Although I couldn't hear him very clearly, it seems he was amusing those around him -- they laughed quite a few times before he got off. There was one kid with short hair styled in dreadnaughts -- looked a bit like Yahoo Serious in the movie, Young Einstein. There clearly are many interesting individuals in this town, which is certainly not a bad thing. In a way, it is somewhat refreshing to see people openly expressing themselves, even if all their taste IS in their mouths! (OK, so that's my opinion!) Next week, I'll be in Detroit, including three days at Cedar Point. While Oregon is nice, I look forward to the bit of time at home! Look for more updates when I return!

August 11, 1996 - I've been back from vacation for a week, but just haven't had the time for an update, so here it is. The vacation was enjoyable, but much too short. I spent three days at Cedar Point with my parents, sister, and her children. With two small children, three days just isn't enough! Oh well, at least I got on all 11 of the adult coasters. My nephew was tall enough to ride 2 of the adult coasters, otherwise he had to stick to the Jr. Gemini (the 12th Cedar Point coaster). Mantis takes a picture of the riders, and mine came out quite well, so I bought it. Eventually, I'll scan it and put it on my page. For the rest of the vacation, I played with the kids, got some things done around the house, and basically tried to relax. Of course, I'm the only one in the family who will ride the spin-n-go-puke rides, so I had to ride each of them about ten thousand times since both of the kids wanted to ride! Well, OK, that might be a bit of an exageration. It might have only been nine thousand times. Regardless, I was even dizzier than usual after that trip, and that's pretty dizzy! I also had a golf lesson while I was at home. I believe it has taken my chipping from absolutely hopeless to merely miserable. That's an improvement! Actually, with practice, I think it will help. Yesterday, I went to a Portland amusement park called Oaks Park. What a remarkably pathetic excuse for an amusement park. Most local fairs have more to do! They have one roller coaster (apparently new this year) which is roughly comparable to a bumpy version of Cedar Point's Wildcat. The Wildcat, of course, was built in 1970, and is Cedar Point's smallest adult coaster. Other than the one coaster, Oaks Park primarily has spin-n-go-puke rides. Don't follow the Cedar Point references? Perhaps you should examine the Cedar Point Home Page. You can get there by going to the Harpo Championship Golf Course. Cedar Point is the first hole. Today, I'm thinking about going to the Portland Saturday Market. (They tell me it's also open on Sundays, which, of course, should be obvious from the name. Huh?)

August 25, 1996 - There hasn't been a whole lot to report lately. Well, not a whole lot with facts behind it. In October, I was supposed to be moving on to a different work opportunity, but that fell through, so I don't know where I'll be in October. Meanwhile, I went to the Oregon State Fair yesterday. I think I prefer the Michigan State Fair -- there just seems to be more to DO at the Michigan State Fair, although there was quite a bit to SEE at the Oregon State Fair. Somehow, I resisted the urge to see the World's Largest Hog. The rides area was run by a company called "Funtastic." That area was a total rip-off. The rides were slower than at most fairs and amusement parks, and they ran for a very short time, despite a small crowd in that region. Actually, that might explain the small crowd in that region. "If you build it, and it stinks, they STILL won't come!" My real reason for going to the fair was to see "Weird Al" Yankovic in concert. It was an enjoyable concert, but, at 72 minutes, it was a bit shorter than I would have liked. When I saw Huey Lewis in Detroit, he went on for over 2 hours. Oh well, it was still quite amusing. I was amazed at some of the fans that went to this concert. We're talking "Revenge of the Nerds" here! Sadly, they weren't geeks, they were nerds. The difference? Most geeks have the ability for rational thought, although they don't always use it. (Pencil-neck geeks are an exception.) I met a couple of people who apparently spend their lives travelling around watching "Weird Al". Scary! What I want to know is, where did they get the money to be able to afford it? I didn't realize being a nerd payed better than being a geek! Friday, I played 9 holes of golf. The game was actually showing some signs of hope. I birdied the first hole, and parred the 3rd, on my way to a 46. The difference? The chipping is starting to show some improvement. Once I start to get some confidence in my chipping, I expect those scores will just keep dropping.

September 7, 1996 - Sorry I haven't written for a bit, but I've been VERY busy. Last weekend was Labor Day weekend, and I spent it at home in Detroit, well, sort of. My flight left Portland late Thursday, arriving in Detroit early Friday, where I promptly discovered that Northwest Airlines had lost my golf clubs, but my other luggage arrived without any problems. Northwest just continues to win points, here! Anyway, I went home, showered, went to get a haircut and pick up a tuxedo, then attempted to call Northwest around 1 PM, just to find that they still didn't have a clue where my clubs were located. Sure does make a person feel safe to know that the airlines haven't got a clue what they are sending where! Anyway, I then drove to Toledo, where I participated in the rehearsal for a wedding. After the rehearsal dinner, many of us went to Karaoke. Following that, the groom's sister and I went to play putt-putt golf (at around midnight!). The next morning, I slept in. Once I woke, I went to hit some baseballs at a nearby batting cage. Then I got suited up for the wedding, and went to the church. The groom, best man, and one of the groomsmen were running a bit behind schedule because their limo was late. More on the limo shortly. Fortunately, they still made it with 15 minutes to spare, and the wedding went on as planned. Which reminds me, congratulations to Mark and Lisa! May your life together be filled with joy! After the ceremony, we went out front to notice that the limo was gone. After scrounging up another car for the departure of the bride and groom, they circled back for pictures in the church. While the pictures were being taken, the limo returned -- seems the driver went to try and get the air conditioning fixed. Well, we then went off to the reception, where I surprised everyone by dancing up a storm! (I don't usually dance, but the groom's sister kept dragging me onto the floor!) Following the reception, a fellow groomsman (and long time friend), plus the best man, plus the groom's sister and I all hopped in my van and, you guessed it, returned to the putt-putt course, tuxedos and all! (Yours truly won the match quite handily -- my putting was really on, complete with 4 holes in one! Why can't I putt that well on a real golf course?) Afterwards, we went to a bar for a short while. Sunday morning, I drove back to Detroit. After arriving home, I went to the Michigan State Fair, which, incidentaly, is FAR superior to the Oregon State Fair. To give an idea of size, the Michigan State Fair had more food stands than the Oregon State Fair had of all types of stands put together! The rides at the Michigan State Fair were also better, with longer, faster rides, and lower cost. They even had a water flume ride and a roller coaster. On Monday, I played golf with my parents (Northwest finally located my golf clubs), then flew back to Portland. Overall, it was a VERY busy weekend! On Wednesday, I went hiking with some friends from work to the Bridal Veils Falls. What I want to know is, why was nature so blooming inconsiderate as to put something that beautiful in such an inconvenient location? Anyway, it was a very beautiful site, and Theresa made very good hot dogs and brownies for dinner prior to the hike! Last night, a group of us from work went to a bar called Pal Joey's for some pool. The ladies from work (and the wives of the men) went camping, so it was the "guy's night out." After Pal Joey's, we went to downtown Portland, where we stayed for about 30 minutes before returning to Gresham for pizza. I've got a bit of a cold, so I left the group after pizza and went to bed, but it was still quite a bit of fun. I still don't understand, however, why Pal Joey's is the Green Bay Packer's headquarters of the Portland area -- just doesn't make sense!

September 29, 1996 - Well, it's been a long time since my last message. The Portland Journal took a field trip to Boston, MA for a training class. Probably the most fascinating thing I saw there was a restaurant called Dick's Last Resort. I think they just might have had the best Filet Mignon I've ever had! It was quite strange eating at a restaurant where the waiters like making paper hats that look like Pope hats and placing them on people's heads. One person had a hat which said, "I had to kiss the waiter's a** to get bread and butter." (Sorry for the editing, but this is a family program!) The class ended a day early, so a couple of us in the class decided to tour downtown Boston. One place we wound up was at the U.S.S. Constitution, which is the same place the goofy picture on my home page was taken back in 1989. We wanted to get an updated goofy picture, but that part of the ship was closed, as they are getting ready to sail her for her 200th anniversary. Before returning to Portland, I managed to get in a day at Cedar Point, where I rode all 11 of the adult coasters. I must say, it was close, however! It was a beautiful day until about 6 PM when it started drizzling. No big deal, yet. At 7:30, I just had one coaster left to ride, that being Mantis (this year's new ride). I was at the front of the line contemplating whether I should wait for the front seat, where Mantis would have been my last ride for the night, or jump in the second seat, where I would have a chance to ride Raptor one more time. Well, I chose the second seat. As the train pulled out, I realized that the rain was now coming down very hard. That ride sure is a fun one in the rain! When I got back to the station, I realized that my train was the last one that was sent with people before shutting down due to the rain! I figure someone up above was helping me make sure I got on that ride! The only coaster that remained open was the Blue Streak, so I rode that in the pouring down rain. Back in Portland, there hasn't been too much excitement until two days ago (Friday). Due to finishing a major milestone at work, the boss decided to take us on a golf outing. There was a space available, so Brian called Theresa (see previous notes about Theresa and Brian). This outing was only Theresa's second time playing golf, and, from what I hear, she is a VERY good beginner. (She was in a different group, so I didn't see first hand.) Well, it seems that she didn't know what to say when someone else in her group hit a good shot, so, as innocent as could be, she wound up making a lewd statement about a part of that man's anatomy! (OK, gang, think about it. What golf item could be confused with a man's anatomy? I ain't sayin'!) He seemed quite pleased with the comment! Her exact comment was, "Gee, Russ, I really like your *****!" (You can fill in the blank -- remember, this is a family program!) Last night, we had a party at the team leader's house. Apparently, the mayor of Portland lives right across the street. For some odd reason, she didn't seem to want to join this party! Theresa got angry with Bob (from the rafting trip) and I because we were walking too fast from the car to the party. I wonder if I spoiled my shot at getting any more chocolate chip cookies?! Today, I hiked approximately 5.5 miles in about 2 hours in the Columbia Gorge. I think my calves are going to explode! Of course, it was about 5.2 miles uphill, and .3 miles downhill. Well, OK, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure felt that way!

October 6, 1996 - On October 1, I joined Brian and Theresa on a delightful hike after work, followed by dinner at Edgefield. It was a very pleasant evening. On Wednesday, October 2, my employer threw a small party to celebrate the conclusion of a significant milestone in our current project. It is the first time in my 4 years with my company that I have seen such a thing -- I guess it really does matter what account one is on! Today, I went for a 5.3 mile long hike, lasting 1 hour and 40 minutes. On this hike, I saw the Triple Falls, Oneonta Falls, Upper Horsetail Falls, and Horsetail Falls, plus the Oneonta Gorge. In my opinion, the Triple Falls is the most beautiful of the falls I have seen out here. But, as usual, nature chose to put such beauty in a difficult-to-reach place -- how bloomin' inconsiderate! The sight of the Oneonta Gorge from the Oneonta Falls is also quite fabulous. With Upper Horsetail Falls, the trail winds around under the falls, which is quite a unique perspective from which to see a waterfall. There is no doubt that the Portland area is filled with much that is beautiful. I just wish I could move that beauty to Detroit, as I would then have the best of both worlds -- plenty to do, and much that is pleasing to the eye.

October 19. 1996 - It's been a really rough week. I found myself questioning just what I was doing in Oregon. What brought about this soul-searching? A family crisis was brewing, and I was 2000 miles too far away to be able to lend my personal support. In serious cases such as what occurred this week, the telephone just isn't good enough. Fortunately, the final test results showed that the tumor that was found this week is benign, hence all will be well shortly. I must say, however, that the time between learning of the tumor and learning that it was benign was the longest 48 hours I have ever experienced. Never in my life have I felt so helpless as when I talked to my family on the phone, listening to their misery, knowing that I was not able to just drive across town to lend my personal support. My family is everything to me, making this week a very difficult one to weather. But, we are pulling through, the healing has begun, and all will be well with the world. On a lighter note, I'll be playing golf tomorrow with Bob (and possibly Eric) at a very fancy golf course called Ghost Creek. It ought to be quite an experience. For the prices they charge, it better be! It almost requires a second mortgage just to pay for the greens fees!

October 30, 1996 - Went to a Halloween party last weekend. I wasn't really in a partying mood, but I had a good time, anyway. Some of the costumes were very interesting. I've contemplated my actions regarding the handling of the pictures when they are developed. I've considered taking a telephone company approach -- the phone company has an extra charge for unlisted phone number, why not have an extra charge for unposted Halloween photos? After all, I need to fund my golf at Ghost Creek somehow! Well, OK, so I'm not ruthless enough to go through with it. I can dream, can't I?! I went as a Ferengi. If I get my hands on a good picture of myself at the party, I'll be sure to post it here. The only real problem with the Ferengi costume was with the teeth -- it's impossible to eat with those stupid things in place, yet I had to use a denture cream to keep them in, or they just wouldn't stay put! Oh well, if one person was amused by my costume, it was well worth it! On a more serious note, I'll be heading back to Detroit this weekend. It'll be the first time I've seen my mom since her surgery. As I understand it, the recovery has not exactly been quick, so she may still be in the hospital when I get there. The whole thing has been a roller coaster ride for the emotions -- first the tumor was found, tensions are running high. A few days later, the tumor was discovered to be benign, so relaxation sets in. A few days after that, they do a catscan and decide they will also have to remove the spleen. More tension. In surgery, they decide they don't have to remove the spleen, after all. Relief returns. Now her recovery is going slower than expected, leading to more stress. Are we about to get back to the station? I'm ready to get off! Rapidly graying hair is supposed to look distinguished on a man, right? RIGHT??? I don't know if it is because of my mom's illness, or if it was a natural conclusion waiting to happen, but this week I've felt very much out of place. I've simply felt like I don't belong in Oregon. I can't entirely explain it. I like my coworkers, the state is beautiful, but I just don't feel like I fit. When I'm at work, I don't have a problem. When I'm not working, however, I wonder just what I'm doing here. Maybe this feeling will pass when my mom is better, but I really don't feel like she is the reason for my current feelings. I'd explain it if I could, but I can't, so I won't. Well, enough of the depressing statements. Tomorrow, I'll be flying back to Detroit for a few days, so I should have yet another exciting night of airline travel! I have to pick up my tickets at the Alaska Air counter so that I can get my Northwest frequent flyer miles to fly on the Horizon Air shuttle. Make sense? If so, could you explain it to me -- I just don't get it!

November 9, 1996 - It's been a rather busy time. At home, my mom is just now starting to feel a bit better. I found the doctor's actions to be quite puzzling. When getting ready to release my mom from the hospital, he checked her temperature, blood pressure, and pulse, and determined that they were all fine, hence she was ready to be released. Apparently, a big, gaping hole in the belly is not sufficient reason to keep someone in the hospital! On Tuesday, I changed to a new apartment in the Portland area. The boss decided that, since my stay here has been extended, it would be nice if they upgraded my apartment for me. The new apartment has an exercise facility, racquetball, washer and dryer in the apartment, and a fireplace. I was very impressed with the washer and dryer. When I looked at it, I heard this slight "pinging" sound. Looking behind it, there was a pool of water. The fittings had not been completely tightened. At the same time, I noticed that the drain hose was just dangling. Would have been quite exciting if I had turned on the washer and it drained out all over the floor! Finally, I noticed that the dryer vent was not attached. Now THAT is what I call a full-service installation! My back really had to work hard while moving. Sure, I lifted with my knees, but what good does that do when one is holding an 80 pound box in front of them? It just pulls the spine right over! By the end of the move, my spine was sticking through my shirt. Not to worry, however -- the duct tape I used to secure the spine in its proper location is still holding! I went golfing today with some of the folks from work. It was a very strange game for me. I have previously stated how certain parts of my game fail me on any given round. Well, today, that was sort of true. On the first five holes, everything was working! I was very excited! On the next four holes, everything fell apart at the same time. Yeouch. After having lunch at the turn, I had another successful five holes. Following that, everything fell apart again for the last four holes. I guess I now need to get everything working for a full round! Anyway, I wound up with a 95, which is a good score for me. I really should be able to do that or better every time out. On this round, I was breaking in a new pair of golf shoes. I hate breaking in new golf shoes -- they are the single most painful things to break in! By about the fifth hole, the blisters on my heels had popped, and I was losing roughly a pint of blood per hole -- that's about par for the course, so to speak!

November 17, 1996 - On Tuesday, I played racquetball with some friends from work. Some friends -- they beat the livin' daylights out of me! Ah, but it helps to keep one's ego in check when one is beaten to a bloody pulp! Seriously, I enjoyed the racquetball, and I hope I gave them enough exercise that they'll let me join them regularly! Just before playing, I looked in another court and saw a group of 60 year old men playing racquetball -- quite a sight! While our group was playing, there was a moment when I looked at the four of us and said to myself, "Ya know, in a few years, we'll look just as silly as those four across the way!" Well, of course, I already look that silly, but that's another issue! I've been using that fireplace quite a bit. It sure is a great way to relax! I wonder if I could get one of those installed in the trailer at work. Well, I guess there's probably as good a chance of that as of getting running water!

November 24, 1996 - Played racquetball again on Tuesday, and, once again, got the bejeezus beat out of me! Oddly enough, the full racquet shot to my back only hurt for a moment -- it was the hand injury from my shot against a wall that bothered me for several days. Oh well, the battle-wounds have healed, so I'm ready to go again! Last night, the team had a birthday party for one of our coworkers. The party was held at the Uptown Billiards Club, where I was able to show my billiards, uh, skills. Odd -- I was always good at geometry, yet I can't sink the darn billiard balls! The problem, of course, comes from being able to see the proper angles and lines, but being totally incapable of getting the stupid cue ball to follow those angles and lines! Well, at least I wasn't the only one to look foolish there! Additionally, we had dinner at the billiards place. They have a rather unusual menu. I had a filet of beef tenderloin (in other words, a Filet Mignon) served with tomato basil mashed potatoes. The potatoes were a reddish color, with a fairly strong taste. Unfortunately, I later found out that they didn't seem to agree with my stomach, even though I thought they tasted fairly good. The steak, however, was somewhat tough and in need of more flavor. One person from the group had the French Onion Soup. It was served in a hollowed-out onion -- quite a fancy presentation! Today, I went downtown to see Star Trek - First Contact. Without giving any of the plot away, I will say that I thought the movie was fantastic! It currently ranks as my second favorite Star Trek movie, following closely behind Star Trek IV. After the film, I went over to the Lloyd Center mall for dinner. While I was there, the fire alarms started going off. Interestingly enough, absolutely no one seemed to pay the least bit of attention to them. I guess holiday shopping is more important than some stupid ol' fire! It did appear to be a false alarm, as the sirens were shut off after just a few minutes. The lack of attentiveness to the sirens, however, makes me wonder just how big the disaster would be should a real fire break out at the mall. Hopefully we will never find out. Today also marked my grandmother's 90th birthday. I wish I could have been there! From the sounds of it, however, she really enjoyed her surprise party, and having so many of her friends and family nearby.

November 25, 1996 - Today brought some very sad news. Saké, my 14 year old Shih-Tsu, died today. I really loved that old pup. While I was living with my parents, she always slept at the foot of my bed. No one could have asked for a sweeter dog. I've been rather lucky -- before Saké, there was Bridget, who lived to be 13 years old. She was another very sweet dog, so I've been blessed with two extremely precious pups who were with me for 27 of my 29 years. It's never easy to say goodbye, however. I still miss Bridget, and now I've lost Saké, too. Obviously, the time was coming, but I wish I could have been home to be with her in her last hours. I'm really sick of being so far from home. It seems like nothing but bad news has been coming from Michigan since I left. Well, goodbye, Saké. You'll always be my precious lil' pup.

December 2, 1996 - Just got back from a Thanksgiving trip to Hilton Head Island in South Carolina. I must say that I'm amazed that most people here don't seem to realize that it is in South Carolina! I guess that's what comes from being near the other coast. I met my parents down there, where we played golf three of the four days. Gee, you'd think after that kind of practice, my game would show some hint of improvement. Oh well. On the second day, my mom tried some putting, then she played three entire holes on the third day. It really is quite disgusting -- she's still recovering from surgery, yet she played those holes better than my dad and I! Something's just not right about that! On Thursday, we had Thanksgiving dinner at the Westin Hotel, where they presented a buffet with over 170 items! It wasn't quite as good as my mom's Thanksgiving dinner, but it was still very good. The condo we stayed at had a very interesting decorator. The living room was purple and green. Hmmm. My room contained all wicker furniture. To make matters worse, it also had a picture on the wall of wicker furniture. Double Hmmm. The furnace was rather amusing -- the first floor would be 70 degrees, while the second floor would be about 110. Let's have another round of Hmmm's here! Anyway, although I prefer spending the holidays at home, it was a nice trip. I'm sure I'll get the chance to return in the future.

December 15, 1996 - I'm currently recovering from a recurring knee injury which was triggered by Tuesday's racquetball game. The fact is, I have a lemon of a knee. I'm trying to get it replaced under the Lemon Laws. I went to Oral Roberts University, but I couldn't find the complaint department. I'd send a letter to The Big Guy Himself, but I don't have the zip code. Surely the knee would fall within the 30 year parts and labor warranty. Yesterday, Brian and Theresa had a Christmas party. I'm not exactly what I would call a "party animal," but I had a very good time at that party. Brian and Theresa are just too darn nice. How did a shmuck like me happen to stumble across such nice people? I guess that's just another one of life's mysteries! Today I saw the movie "Mars Attacks!" It was not even close to being as good as I expected. On the Geekazoid Scale of 1 to 5 Pocket Protectors, I give it a 2. I expected a humorous film, but it really wasn't all that funny. As a horror movie, it didn't really succeed, either. It was like a semi-humorous semi-horror film -- I just didn't think it worked. Most of my Christmas shopping is done, but I still have a little bit which will have to wait until I'm back in Detroit. I can hardly wait until I get there -- two weeks back home!

December 17, 1996 - Well, I'm broken again. Another week of racquetball equals another injury. This time, the left hand, middle finger, took the blow. Nothing broken, but it certainly is turning an interesting shade of purple. Fortunately, my bad knee managed to hold up, with the aid of a knee brace. It was feeling weak during the game, but it didn't actually hurt. Right now, it is feeling quite tired, but, again, no pain. Those are good signs. Of course, the entire rest of my body is in pain, so maybe I just lost the feeling in my leg. I'm sure I'll find out tomorrow! I do get two weeks to recover, so I should be ready for another beating after the holidays! Did I actually say Brian was nice in my last entry? That must have been a typo! Of my last two injuries incurred on the racquetball court, I was playing against him. Coincidence, or consipiracy? The world may never know! Many people would probably say that I shouldn't have played due to my knee injury. However, it would be just my luck that, if I didn't play, one of my two flights between Detroit and Portland would crash. I'd feel mighty stupid as the plane was spiraling into the earth if I didn't play one last game of racquetball due to a slightly sore knee! Naturally, I plan on returning to play more racquetball -- I need to start getting even with Brian for all these injuries! <grin> (Oh, it's just a dumb joke! Deal with it!) I have even more reason to look forward to being home for the holidays. (Hmmm, sounds like a song. Nah, can't be!) It looks like there is a chance of my meeting up with an old roommate of mine from Michigan State. It'd be great to hear just what he's been up to all these years! Well, time for me to pass out from the aches and pains acquired today -- let's see. Embalming fluid in the bathtub? Check. Five gallon jar of Icy Hot in stock? Check. Thirty two miles of Ace bandages ready to wrap? Check. Extra pint of blood ready for infusion? Check. OK, I'm ready. I can pass out now. See you in the Emergency Room! <grin>

January 12, 1997 - I got back from vacation a week ago, but just haven't had the time to update this journal until today. As a result, this entry is going to be just a bit long. Don't worry, it'll still be shorter than "War and Peace!" The vacation was fun, but very busy. My niece and nephew kept me going all day every day. I need another vacation just to recover! For Christmas, I received a camera and 5 3-D puzzles. I guess Santa figured I had lots of free time here in Portland! Of course, the boxes are so large that I really don't want to lug them on the plane. Speaking of planes, the trip home was rather interesting. I arrived at the Portland airport at about 7:30 PM. At that time, Horizon Air indicated that my 9:00 flight to Seattle was still on-time, so I went to get a bite to eat. I finished eating and arrived at the gate at 8:00. At this point, the monitors indicated my flight was still on time, although the 6:30 flight had not yet left. At about 8:45, an announcement was made that there were still a few seats available on the 6:30 flight for anyone who wanted to get to Seattle a bit earlier. Since they didn't make any mention of the 9:00 flight, I decided to recheck the monitors. At this point, the 9:00 flight was listed as being delayed until 10:30, which, of course, would not get me into Seattle in time to catch my 11:00 flight to Detroit, so I hopped on the 6:30 flight which left around 9:00. Confused? I'm not surprised! What I don't understand, however, is how they didn't know at 7:30 that the 9:00 flight would be delayed. Certainly, they should have known by 8:00, since the flight was delayed by an hour and a half. Well, I never did accuse Horizon of having any intelligence. Naturally, my luggage didn't make the 6:30 flight leaving at 9:00, so it had to make the 9:00 flight leaving at 10:30, which meant that I didn't get my luggage until around 10:00 the following night. On to Detroit... When I wasn't playing with the kids, it seemed like I was trying to get something fixed. At my home, I had the sump pump replaced, and I fixed one of the toilets. On New Year's Eve, my grandmother's water heater broke down, causing water to go all over the floor. Naturally, I didn't want to see my 90 year old grandmother go without hot water, so I called about 12 different plumbers, and finally found one who could install a new water heater that night. It is truly amazing how few of the plumbers who advertise 24 hour 7 day a week emergency service will actually do something on New Year's Eve. When the vacation was over, I really didn't want to leave Michigan to return to Portland. Anyway, I'm back. Friday, a group of my co-workers and I went to downtown Portland for dinner. After dinner, we went to a bar where they were having "The Night of the Living Elvis" to celebrate Elvis' birthday. Ooh, that's scary! I've never seen a live Elvis impersonator before. I'm not really sure I need to again! On the way to that bar, we encountered an interesting individual who was walking around downtown carrying a sledge hammer. Inside the bar, we found the PVC Princess -- one of the waitresses was dressed in plastic, complete with a loop in the nose. I must admit, it would be convenient. At the end of the day, they can hitch her up, then hose her down to wash her off! On our way out of the bar, we ran into some other people we knew, so we stopped to talk for a moment. While we were doing so, we observed a couple of inebriated teens who were just out looking for trouble. On Saturday, I went hiking at the Columbia Gorge with another Jeff. It was a truly remarkable experience. The December storms left snow slides which completely covered the road running along the gorge. Of course, those same slides were often covering the hiking trails. That didn't stop us, however. Based upon the number of footprints going over those slides, or, rather, the lack of footprints, we determined that we were the first people in 1997 to reach the Triple Falls. Whether or not it's the truth is totally irrelevant to us! Crossing those slides often meant digging our boots into the snow and grabbing onto the snow with our hands. Even with all of that, we still had a heck of a time keeping from sliding down the snow! The hike may have only been 5.3 miles long, but it sure seemed much longer! There was even one point where we had to take an alternate, unmarked path. Overall, it was a darn good workout!

January 18, 1997 - It hasn't really been all that eventful a week. I got the daylights beaten out of me in racquetball, as usual, but with a slight twist. This time, I managed to break the end of the racquet. Well, I have a new racquet, now, so we'll see how it does on Tuesday! My apartment has had frequent water interruptions for the past few days. One moment, the water will come pouring out of the tap like Niagra Falls, the next moment the water will be getting sucked back through the tap! Hopefully the powers that be will fix it soon. Last night, I ate at a restaurant called The Keg. It's an OK place. While I was waiting for my food, I noticed something just a bit unusual about the lamp hanging over my table. It seems that the lamp had sprung a leak. Actually, I wish I had that lamp in my apartment right now -- then I'd have some water! Alas, I shall just have to survive on Dr. Pepper. Gee, what a pity. Oh, speaking of water, we finally got a water cooler in the trailer in which I work. Naturally, we've only been there for over 8 months -- can't expect these things to be rushed! This addition to the trailer gave us a whole new feeling of hope, so we decided to request a soft ice cream machine. Since our list also includes a view of Mt. Hood, I'd say we've got a better chance at the ice cream! Gee, I sure hope the water is fixed soon -- I've got laundry to do. No doubt, everyone in the trailer will be quite unhappy if I fail to get it done! (P. U.!! Whatever you do, don't remove those shoes!)

January 29, 1997 - I made my usual trip home last weekend, but with one small change -- I was able to use a First Class upgrade coupon for my return trip! I guess there are some advantages to constantly travelling! It turns out that I picked a good time to use it. The weather was a bit snowy on Sunday in Detroit. Naturally, since Northwest has only had a hub there for roughly their entire existance, they would not yet have figured out that it does, on occasion, get cold and snowy in Detroit during the winter. As a result, I was sitting on the airplane for 2 hours waiting for the de-icing to occur. A company with more experience in Detroit may have thought, "Gee, it's winter, it's Detroit, maybe we should remain prepared for the need to de-ice our planes!" Perhaps given another two or three decades, Northwest might just figure it out. Oh well, at least the First Class compartment was a nice place to be sitting! They used table cloths, real silverware and dishes, and had reasonably good food! It sure is going to be rough going back to "steerage" on my next flight. I think my favorite part of sitting in First Class was having the ability to give that "Mightier Than Thou" look to all the shlubs heading towards the back of the plane. There truly is an art to giving the look of, "Yeah, bozo, just shlep on back and sit down already while I have another glass of wine." (Well, I don't drink wine, but if I did, I'm sure I'd be having another glass!) As usual, I played racquetball yesterday. I think my coworkers wound up hoping that I had stayed home! For some reason, I just had this tendency to smash line-drive shots directly at the other players in yesterday's games. I hit more people yesterday than the TOTAL that I've hit since starting to play racquetball with my coworkers! I think I hit Bob at least 3 times -- I was actually starting to feel a bit bad about it! However, Bob doesn't really realize how lucky he was. I had at least 7 or 8 more shots that zipped by him no farther than 6 inches from his ear. Now, if I could only figure out how to win a game...

February 9, 1997 - Despite being an amazingly busy past couple of weeks, I really don't have much to report here right now. Well, I don't have much to report that I CAN report! There is actually quite a bit happening right now, but that discussion will just have to wait until a later time. When? Well, uh, (trying to hedge gracefully) hey, look at that purple rhino! Now, what were we talking about? Oh yes, the auto show. (Now was that a smooth transition, or what? Don't answer that.) I decided to go to the Portland Auto Show yesterday. Now, coming from Detroit, I'm used to the Detroit Auto Show. Naturally, being the Motor City, I would expect Detroit to put on a better auto show than Portland, so I went to the Portland Auto Show with rather low expectations. Amazingly, those low expectations were not met. Seeing the Portland Auto Show made me realize just how good an auto show Detroit puts on! I think my biggest disappointment was that there wasn't a single full-size van at this show. I happen to like the full size conversion vans, and Detroit always has a whole floor dedicated just to them. On top of that, there was nowhere near the glitz and glamour of the Detroit Auto Show. I managed to see everything of interest in about a half hour. There was one bright spot on the Horizon. That bright spot, of course, would be a band called Horizon. This band, from Detroit, was playing at the Chevrolet stand. I felt they were really very good. They mentioned that they have a CD out, but, as expected, I couldn't find it at any of the local music stores. It didn't surprise me, as Oregonians seem to have the attitude of, "If it isn't in Oregon or Washington, we aren't going to recognize it!" Well, that generalization might be a bit unfair, but I just call 'em as I see 'em! Anyway, I'll be back in Detroit next weekend -- maybe I can find the CD there. While I was downtown for the auto show, I figured it might also be a good time to take in Star Wars. However, at about 1:00, the 2:15 and 4:15 showings were already sold out. Too bad. Maybe I'll try again for some evening this week. If I miss it, however, I'll survive. After all, I saw it in the theaters 20 years ago! Yikes, talk about suddenly feeling old! Maybe I'd better change the subject again. I developed a golf course using SimGolf. Judging from the looks of it, I'd say it's probably a good thing I don't design courses for a living -- every golfer on the planet would hate me! Water comes into play on 15 of the 18 holes. On the other three holes, one of them crosses a deep ravine, one of them is a par 3 that starts on a mountain making it easy to overshoot the green and wind up in a forest, and the other has a mountain on the left side of the fairway and a ravine on the right side. I have one island green, plus one island tee. The view from the island tee is really something -- it looks like nothing but water and sand, with some trees in the far distance. Overall, I'd say it was a good first effort, but I can probably do better in future courses.

February 19, 1997 - I had a delightful weekend back in Detroit last weekend. There was a bit of snow each of the three mornings, followed by sun in the afternoons -- it appeared to make the whole world sparkle! The picture just above is my home. That picture was taken the day after Christmas, when a December snowfall made all of Michigan beautiful. Before coming to Oregon, I never realized how much I would miss the snow. Oh, sure, there are a lot of grey days during the Michigan winters, but there are just as many grey days during the Oregon winters. The difference, of course, is that the snow of Michigan makes things brighter, while the rain of Oregon just makes things more gloomy. This picture finally made it here because my grandmother gave me a new scanner for my birthday, which was celebrated over the weekend, although the actual day was yesterday. Yes, the 18th of February marked the start of a new decade! The folks at work didn't know, so I managed to avoid all the razzing that comes with becoming officially "old"! Instead, we played the usual game of racquetball. Perhaps if I had told them it was my 30th birthday, they would have let me win a game! Oh well, at least I'm getting some good exercise, even if it does come at the expense of bruising just about every inch of skin on my body, not to mention the ego! It must have been a cruel joke of nature -- I was given a viciously competitive spirit, along with pathetic physical abilities! I guess I'm kind of an athletic version of the "Rain Man". Anyway, I'm hoping to see exciting things happen in my third decade. The time has come to start making my mark on the world. (Kicking the ground...) There it is. Should I put up a plaque? Seriously, however, I want to start focusing on a life-long goal of mine. I want to do something in my life that will help people smile for generations to come. Obviously, it won't happen overnight, but now is the time to work towards making it happen. I cannot think of anything that would be more rewarding than helping to brighten the days of other people. I hope this web site has accomplished that feat in some small way, but I also hope that it proves to be only the first step in achieving my goal. So smile, dagnabit, or I'm going to have to come over there and bean you with a racquetball! Remember -- May the Farce Be With You!

February 28, 1997 - It's been a very busy couple of weeks. The weather was absolutely fabulous last weekend, so I went to the Oregon Coast. Wow, are there some beautiful sights over there! I'll be sure to post some pictures after I have them developed. My main objective for the trip was to head to the Sea Lion Caves. It's a cave where many sea lions live, hence the name. I've never seen so many wild sea lions -- rather different from going to Sea World! What really surprised me was just how much the cave smelled like a barnyard. I guess I figured that the constant flow of the ocean would prevent such an odor. I also stopped at the Oregon Coast Aquarium, where Keiko, the killer whale who played Willy in the Free Willy movies, lives. I didn't get to see him, however. It seems he was a bit disturbed by something, which caused him to keep bashing his head into the glass. Sounds just like what I do when I'm trying to solve a tricky bug in my programming! (As any of my coworkers would gladly tell you, I've got a hard head, so it doesn't hurt very much!) If Portland were closer to the coast, I may have been more open to moving here. I could find many activities to fill my days out there, but it's just a bit too far for every day, every weekend, or even every other weekend. Oh well. Wednesday and Thursday of this week were particularly nerve-racking. It is inappropriate for me to go into particulars at this time, but I'll give a vague overview. At the risk of sounding like a famous figure from the past, I have a dream today! That dream is to provide the world with a lasting source of entertainment. Well, on Wednesday and Thursday, my dream was put to the test in Beautiful Downtown Burbank. The strength of my dream was evident in this trip. By nature, I'm a cheapskate. Yet, I spent a rather large sum of my earnings to personally make a trip which could have been handled by phone. Additionally, I don't particularly care for air travel, yet I made the trip for the sake of my dream. It is amazing just how much courage is required to expose one's dream, at the risk of it fading forever. As it is, the dream received a blow to the head and is temporarily unconscious. The dream has been rushed to the emergency room, where a team of doctors is currently examining it. It may be only a flesh would, where the dream will soon be off and running, full steam ahead. Then again, it may be critical. Is the dream about to spring to life? Or is it in need of serious life support? What is the conclusion? Does hope remain? Will Donna find her long-lost love? Will Burt discover a way to escape from the aliens? For the answers to these and other meaningless questions, be sure to tune in next time! Seriously, I don't feel very confident about the dream becoming reality at this particular time, but my hopes stay high. Additionally, I won't let my dream die -- without it, my life loses all hope. I'm too stubborn to let that happen! I read a quote recently which fits this situation in many ways. The quote came from a great dreamer. He said, "All our dreams can come true -- if we have the courage to pursue them." The man who said that was also a major inspiration to me, although he died before I was born. His name was Walt Disney. In my earliest days of visiting Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio, I knew I wanted to be involved in entertaining people. Subsequent visits to Walt Disney World helped me to focus on electrical engineering while also strengthening my goals to entertain. My desire has never faded. I have never known anything to be more rewarding than to see someone smile because of something I did. If I can find a lasting way to entertain people, then I will be able to view my life as a success. Until then, I must do my best to continue along the path towards my dream. It may not happen now, but I fully intend to make it happen some day. On a lighter note, the air travel was rather amusing, as usual. When I was looking for my means of travel, I discovered that the flights for Shuttle by United were on-time 50% of the time. Well, as is typical with my luck, United hit the 100% mark -- all four of the flights were late! What did this delay mean? Well, when I finally reached Burbank, I couldn't find an open restaurant, so I missed dinner that night. When I returned to Portland, it was late and I was tired, so once again, I missed dinner. The San Francisco airport was particularly interesting. In both cases, the arriving and departing flights were nowhere near each other. From what I could tell, the San Francisco airport has very long corridors, with nothing actually connecting off of them. It looks like they designed it just so that people would have to walk a long ways! I suppose that it could be seen as a friendly gesture -- the designers clearly wanted to improve the health of the airline passengers by forcing them to get exercise by walking long distances. I noticed one of the gate attendants making a call to the gates at the other side of the airport -- she had to dial "1" and the area code first! (OK, so that's a bit of an exaggeration. Deal with it!) Holy Fried Green Tomatos, Batman! This entry has become exceedingly long! I guess it's time to wrap it up. I'll be sure to provide updated stats on the health of the dream as they become available. While it may find itself in critical condition, as long as there is breath in my body, the dream will not die. Meanwhile, just remember to keep on smiling!

March 15, 1997 - Oy, am I starting to feel old. The dentist which I've had since my first tooth is retiring in October. Meanwhile, the barber I've had since Junior High is retiring this summer. Ugh! Would this be a good time to turn into a hippie with rotting teeth? Well, heck, I can't get a date anyway, so it couldn't hurt! Hey, it might even help! If someone as ugly as Howard Stern can get a wife, perhaps it's worth a try! <grin> I went to a Canadian Brass concert in Portland a little over a week ago. I was a bit concerned about how the group would sound and act now that they have a new trumpet player to replace the recently-retired Fred Mills, but the concerns were unfounded -- they were absolutely fantastic! I have only two complaints about their new trumpet player. First, his name is too hard to pronounce! (It's Jens Lindemann, pronounced something like "Yawns"). Next, someone who is only one year older than I am shouldn't be that remarkably fantastic at ANYTHING! I'll miss Freddy, but Jens was truly amazing. Today, I purchased about 7000 books at Powell's Book Store. Well, OK, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I only purchased 6 -- I rounded up. One of those books contains a list of publishers. I can now hear you saying, "But, dorkus... what do YOU need with a list of publishers???" Well, as incredible as it may seem, I've been getting a fair amount of EMAIL about my poems. It seems people like them, and a few of these people have suggested that I attempt to publish them. Well, I was originally quite surprised when I managed to write a poem in the first place. I was shocked when people wrote me letters saying that they liked the poems. I have to admit that, should any of the poems actually get published, I'll be so surprised that my neurons may start to misfire! Anyway, I figure it doesn't hurt to try -- what's a little humiliation, more or less? There's a fairly interesting battle currently raging at the office. My employer is putting on pressure to get me to move out here permanently. Meanwhile, I'm putting on pressure to try and get back to Michigan. My father is applying pressure for me to go to England or Australia. My grandmother is pressuring for Michigan, preferrably in her own home. With all of this pressure going around, my Lucky Astrology Mood Watch popped a cork. Now I have moods just oozing out all over my arm -- it isn't a pretty sight. I just received an EMAIL from someone asking why I don't take up a less dangerous sport than racquetball. This query came after I told her that I finished this week's game with yet another injury. In this instance, my racquet failed to traverse through my knee on the way to make contact with the ball. Four days later, there is still a red line where the racquet made contact! Anyway, it wouldn't really work for me to find a different sport. My worst injury ever came from indoor roller skating (cracked cartiledge in the knee). My second worst injury came from playing golf (torn ligament in the thumb). My third worst came from bicycling (removal of facial flesh and large bump on noggin -- fortunately, there were no remaining scars!). I have also received injuries while bowling, hiking, swimming, and even when I just turned to shut off the alarm system! (Pulled a back muscle doing that, once!) I don't believe there is a sport in existence which is safe enough for me. If anyone has any suggestions, be sure to let me know! Meanwhile, I'll just keep abusing myself until I collapse into a heap of mush. "Don't cry for me... I'm already bruised."

March 18, 1997 - You've got your great athletes: Canseco, Jordan, Ripken, and the like. Then there are the average athletes: the Minor Leaguers, the Utility Players, etc. Next, there are Weekend Warriors. Finally, you'll find the really pathetic athletes: Pee Wee Herman types. I think I fall into that last category. My racquetball game was really off tonight. I had only one really solid hit, and that was into my wrist! (I'm typing much slower than usual right now!) I could put together a list of what is hurting after tonight's games, but I don't have that much server space! Just point me to the nearest open grave, and let me crawl in. Hey, buddy, watch where you're swinging that shovel as you toss in the dirt! Sheesh! No resp... Oops, that's Rodney Dangerfield's line. Scratch that. Only one opponent showed up tonight. The others must be tired of my hitting them with the ball! Anyway, he beat me soundly in all but one game, where he still beat me, but I at least gave him a run for the money. I think he decided to call it quits as a way of showing me some mercy! Oh, by the way, that red line that I mentioned in the last journal entry is still there. "I tink I may be scarred for liiiiiiiife!" Well, it is shrinking, but it is still clearly visible. Oh well. Some people in the group want to start playing twice a week. OK, let's save some time -- just call the coroner now. If there are any physicians who are looking for a full-time live-in job, I may have one for you! (Single, attractive, female physicians preferred. Inquire within.) Oops, that probably sounded a bit chauvanistic. Sorry about that. If anyone wants to tell me off via an EMAIL, go right ahead. (Well now THERE'S a shameless plug to try and fill a mailbox!)

April 6, 1997 - I went home to Detroit over the Easter weekend, where I saw Tim Allen's movie, Jungle 2 Jungle. On the Geekazoid Scale of 1 to 5 Pocket Protectors, I give Jungle 2 Jungle a 3.5. It was a reasonably heartwarming tale, but I felt that Tim Allen's comic abilities could have been better utilized in the film. Additionally, although the ending was quite expected, I didn't feel it fit the character that Tim Allen was portraying. Regardless, it was an enjoyable film, worth seeing, but try to see it as a matinee instead of paying full price. I didn't hit anyone in last week's racquetball game. However, the fact that no one else showed up may have had something to do with it. Have I scared away all of my opponents? Yesterday, there was a Fujitsu golf outing. Several of my coworkers and I joined in on this outing. Total, there were six teams, with my team being team 6. I am proud to say that we won an award -- we were the Worst Team! Hooray! We each received a coupon for a large bucket of balls as our prize for being the worst. It was close, however. Team 5 had the same score, so it came down to matching holes. In the list, there was a point when Team 5 had a 4 on a hole, while we had a 5. That hole was the tie-breaker! Today, I went to the travelling Smithsonian 150th Anniversary exhibit. I found it to be a bit disappointing. Oh, sure, I didn't expect it to be just like the real Smithsonian, but I figured it could have been better. Part of the problem was with the layout. They simply didn't organize the exhibits in a manner which was conducive to traffic flow. Cedar Point Countdown: 5 weeks. I'll be at Cedar Point on the Monday and Tuesday following their opening weekend (Mother's Day weekend). I can hardly wait! This time of year is usually quite hard for me in that I tend to get into a "winter depression". I find it difficult to go from late September all the way to May without the excitement of Cedar Point. This year, it's been harder than ever, probably due to being so far from home. Oh, sure, the people I work with are fantastic, but, as the old saying goes, there's no place like home. Unfortunately, my ruby slippers don't seem to be functioning right now. Well, hopefully I won't irritate my coworkers TOO much before I get my annual Cedar Point rejuvenation.

April 12, 1997 - Cedar Point Countdown: 4 weeks. It's been a busy week here in Portland. On Tuesday, I played racquetball, as usual. My opponents really raked me over the coals this time. I ended the game without a single fully-operational limb. The exact countdown would be: left knee (strained), left forearm (tackled), right shoulder (deceleration syndrome, i.e. hit the wall), and right heel (unknown cause -- felt rather like it was attacked by a mad carpenter with a staple gun). The next day, I wasn't moving particularly well! Oh well, I've mostly healed. Thursday night was very special. I went to downtown Portland to see The Smothers Brothers live. I even got two autographs from Dick Smothers (one on a yo-yo, one in a book). Apparently, Tom Smothers is too shy to meet people in the lobby. I can understand that, being quite shy myself. Their show was absolutely fantastic. They actually managed to get me in a wonderful mood for the first time since I went to see The Canadian Brass. I probably should make an effort to get to more shows. That mood didn't last all that long, however. I went to work Friday feeling great, but it turned out to be "one of those days." I won't go into any details, but it wasn't exactly a stellar day at the office! On the plus side, however, my boss decided that a couple of us could use an afternoon off to go golfing. Well, who am I to argue with that? It continued to be "one of those days" even on the golf course, but I'd rather have "one of those days" golfing than staring at a computer terminal trying to figure out why the thing is stubbornly refusing to let me do what I'm trying to tell it to do! I was hitting my drives well for most of the day, but had some trouble with my irons. My chipping was really terrible -- I'm sure glad those lessons last season paid off! My putting was a bit off, but it started to come around as the round went on. Today, I went roller blading down the Springwater Corridor. In my opinion, it should be renamed the Bugwater Corridor. I had previously noted that there seemed to be more bugs in Michigan than Oregon. Well, it seems that the entire bug population of Oregon is on the Springwater Corridor. I made a bit of a mistake on this particular roller blading adventure. After skating for about 3 miles, the trail suddenly became much rougher. Clearly, they used a cheaper quality asphalt. However, I kept on skating, hoping that it would be temporary. After nearly four miles on that rough stretch, I couldn't go any farther. Of course, that's because the trail was closed off to deal with an industrial fire. So, I turned around, and continued bumping along the rough trail. By this time, my ankles were really starting to feel quite sore due to the rough surface. I barely made it back to the starting point, at which time I just collapsed into my car. One thing I had not noticed on the trip was that my elbow pads and/or wrist pads had been too tight. I discovered that fact when I went to remove the pads, and found that my hands were not particularly willing to cooperate! I did get the pads off, however, and the feeling slowly seeped back into my hands. My ankles are still sore from the beating they took on the rough part of the trail. It isn't a muscle stiffness, but rather the ankles feel like they've been hit repeatedly with a sledge hammer. Well, these wounds shall also heal, probably just in time for me to find some other way to beat myself up! For some reason, I started thinking about something my mother said to me the last time I was home. She said, "I wish you would find yourself a girlfriend. You know, someday your father and I will be dead, and we don't want you to be alone." Ah, the perfect pep talk. Not only did she do a wonderful job of removing the pressure that I already feel, but she emphasized her point with a remarkably uplifting thought. Thanks, Mom, just what I needed! The problem here, of course, is that I am inwardly a very shy person, at least until I get to know someone. Once I get comfortable with someone as a friend, I tend to bombard them with stupid jokes in a rather feeble effort to make them laugh. When I get in front of a crowd, however, I like to ham it up. It is just a hunch, but I have a feeling that a psychologist would analyze me in this way: "Your shynezz iz due to a lack of confidenze in yourzelf, making you feel zat you are not worthy of being cloze to other peoplez. Your attitude in front of a crowd iz due to your intenze dezire to feel wanted und loved. When you ztart to get clozer to zomeone, you uze a rotten zenze of humor to avoid getting too cloze, even though inwardly you want to develop a much tighter friendzhip. It iz the clazzic zyndrome known az..." Hey, doc, I think you're on to something there. That something is my foot -- would you mind getting off? Seriously, however, I do wish that I was better in social situations. I've just never been all that comfortable with socializing, however, so I stumble through it as best as I can. I certainly do hope that my coworkers and friends realize that I'm just joking around with them when that ol' stupid sense of humor hits. Well, it is that total social ineptitude which led me to dub myself as "The Geek of the Century". However, the humor does serve a purpose. Out of every several hundred jokes, someone actually laughs at one or two of them. Somehow, that makes it all seem worthwhile.

April 27, 1997 - Cedar Point Countdown: 2 Weeks. Oh, how I wish it would be tomorrow! Not much to report since the last entry. I was back in Detroit last weekend for my last visit with my dentist before he retires. It'll be an odd feeling in October when I'm seeing a different dentist for the first time in my life. Oh well, it'll be in the same office, so maybe it won't seem too odd. I can't be certain, but I think I'm about to enter into another battle with the post office. I have a feeling that some of my mail is not making it here. It's little things like not receiving the bills, checks that are due to me, etc., that make this whole adventure so much more fulfilling. For this three week stretch in Portland, my rental car is a Chrysler Sebring Convertible. There have been a couple of times when it was nice enough to put the top down -- I could really get used to that! It makes even a geek like me look somewhat cool! (Well, that might be stretching it. At least I don't look quite as geeky.) Yesterday, I went to the wedding reception for a coworker. During the days prior to his wedding, a couple of my other coworkers indicated that they thought he was very relaxed, showing no sign of nervousness. I felt that he had to be nervous -- he was laughing at my jokes! Anyway, I am delighted for him. Meanwhile, the number of single people in the group dwindles -- I think we are a dying breed. I figure there must be a connection here: there are three completely unattached men in the group. The three of us were the only ones who made it to the wedding. I really do envy people who have found a companion with whom they can share their lives. I can only hope that it will happen for me someday. Oh, yes, I almost forgot. I was previously working in a trailer at my work site. Now, the trailer is in the process of being removed. My group has finally been moved inside the building. I guess we're moving up in the world -- from third class to second! If you've been reading my page recently, you may have noticed that I added my first attempt at writing fiction to it. The story is called, "The Old Russian". Why? Well, I have no idea, but that's what it's called. Please, feel free to read it and provide any feedback. Constructive criticism is always desireable. I have recently started writing my second story, titled "Demon's Revenge". I'll be sure to post it once it is finished. I almost forgot. During my last visit home, I went to see the movie Liar Liar. On the Geekazoid Scale of 1 to 5 pocket protectors, I give Liar Liar a 5. I thought it was a very amusing movie, definitely worth the time and money. Jim Carrey does a fantastic job in this film.

May 4, 1997 - Cedar Point Countdown: 1 Week. Looks like I've got even more to look forward to. Next Saturday, I'll be seeing the Detroit Tigers attack the Cleveland Indians in beautiful Tiger Stadium. Sunday will feature a Mother's Day brunch with my Mom, Grandmother, and Aunt, followed by getting to The Point. It'll be a very busy trip home! So, what's been happening this week? Well, Tuesday brought about a thrill-a-minute session of racquetball, where I narrowly defeated a very evenly-matched opponent. OK, you caught me -- I was the only one who showed up. However, I did get about an hour of good excercise, anyway. On Thursday, three of us showed up for racquetball, so at least that day wasn't a waste! Amazingly, I didn't receive a nasty injury this time around. Am I actually getting better? Well, I wouldn't go that far. I did manage to nail one of my opponents three times with the ball, so I obviously still need a bit of practice! (Clearly, I should have been able to hit him 4 or 5 times. Gotta work on that.) Yesterday, I went shopping for Mother's Day presents. Just what does someone get for a 90 year old grandmother who never goes anywhere? She probably won't like what I got her, but I tried. Following the shopping, I went to Portland's Cinco de Mayo celebration. Why? Well, why not. Besides, they had carnival rides. OK, it's not Cedar Point, but I hoped it would help get me through the week. Sadly, the rides were run by Funtastic. Why is this so sad? Just refer to my listing about them at the Oregon State Fair last year. They seem to think that $3 for 15 seconds of ride time is about right. I maintain that it is just possibly the world's lamest carnival. Oh well, the music from the celebration was good. The people watching was also quite fascinating. I think my favorite person was the kid with the green hair. It was a good Michigan State green, so that kid's gotta be OK! I have commented before on the terrible driving of the Oregonians. Well, it was quite obvious yesterday that their total lack of sense of direction and inability to observe their surroundings is a talent which they also practice while walking in large crowds. Today, I went hiking on the Eagle Creek trail. It was really a nice hike. I'll be sure to post some of the pictures after I get them developed. One of the people I went hiking with decided that he wanted to go at 8:00 so that he could get back home to do some yard work. Doesn't he realize I am NOT a morning person? Well, one advantage to going that early is that there wasn't ANYONE else on the trail at such a ridiculously early hour on a Sunday! It's going to be tough to concentrate this week. All I can think about is my forthcoming trip to The Roller Coast, Cedar Point! It's true -- I REFUSE to grow up! As the saying goes, growing old is mandatory, growing up is an option. Currently, I don't intend to exercise that option!

May 7, 1997 - Cedar Point Countdown: 4 Days. Looks like I'm going to have to Get To The Point alone, but that's OK. I can ALWAYS enjoy that park! The weekly dismemberment was yesterday. Oh, some people would call it racquetball. I swung and missed at a ball, during which time my right shoulder made a rather ugly "pop" sound. Today, that limb is mostly useless. The pain, of course, did not stop me from going to hit golf balls in a group outing today, although it probably should have. What can I say, I'm a "tough guy"! After hurting the shoulder, I thought I would try playing left handed. My companions decided they would also switch hands. Amazingly, I appear to be quite ambidexterous -- I can miss the ball just as well left handed as right handed! One of my coworkers saw me driving in my rented convertible, and named it my "babe magnet." Sadly, the attractive force of the car is overpowered by my natural repulsive forces. I really need to try and find a girl with reversed polarity! What does that mean? Heck, I dunno. It's just a stupid joke! Deal with it. Chances are, my next update won't be until after I get back from The Point. Have a great week!

May 17, 1997 - Just a Roller Coaster Rider.... I figure I rode approximately 40 to 50 coasters during my two days at Cedar Point. Ah, did that feel good! I really needed that trip. I was a bit concerned for a while. On Sunday evening and all day Monday, the winds were rather strong. As a result, Raptor, my favorite roller coaster, was closed. Fortunately, Tuesday was a beautiful day, and Raptor was up and running again. The Soak City water park additions won't be open until Memorial Day weekend, so I'll obviously have to go back to try them out! Additionally, there were apparently some production problems with Chaos, this year's new ride -- the manufacturer hasn't delivered it to the park just yet, but there is a hole in the ground where the ride is going to go. While the trip was an absolute blast, it didn't come without a bit of sorrow. For 17 years, the Oceana dolphin show announced the "four Atlantic bottle-nosed dolphins, Misty, Breeze, Cocoa, and Striker!" However, this year, the quartet is down to a duet, as Cocoa and Striker gave their last performances during the summer of 1996. Misty and Breeze are still swimming strong, and put on a very good show, but the show does lack something without Cocoa and Striker. They will be missed. Meanwhile, there is also a new sea lion. I can't recall her name, but she is only two years old, and very tiny. She just went zipping around on the stage -- even though she has quite a bit to learn, she was very amusing to watch. I also caught a show at The Red Garter Saloon, called Retro Rockin' Revue. It was a very amusing show, complete with Blues Brothers and Sonny and Cher imitations. When I was leaving the park on Tuesday, the gate hostess asked if I'd had enough fun. My answer, of course, was no. I could never have enough Cedar Point fun, but it was time to go, anyway. I can hardly wait until my next trip back to The Point. Right now, I'm trying to arrange something for late July or early August, along with my sister, her kids, and my parents. One thing is for sure -- when I'm running around the park, I definitely don't feel too old for The Point! I took a whole bunch of pictures this year, and will soon be developing my "Guided Tour of The Point", probably on my Harpo II page. Be sure to watch for it! While I was home, I also went to see the Detroit Tigers clobber the Cleveland Indians at Tiger Stadium. Omar Olivares pitched a shutout, as the Tigers won 6 - 0. The friend I went with is a Cleveland fan. Part way through the game, he told me to quit giving the team help... Here's where that statement originated: The score was 0 - 0. The Tigers had a runner on second, and Bob Hamlin was at the plate, sporting a very pathetic batting average. I stated, "OK, Bob, time to start bringing that average up a bit." Bob immediately proceded to get a base hit, scoring the first run. In the next inning, Bobby Higginson came up to bat, also with a lower than desired batting average. I said, "Bobby, time to end that slump. Let's get it going!" He immediately hit a home run off the right field foul pole to score the Tigers second run. A couple of innings later, the Tigers had two runners on base, and Tony Clark came up to bat. I looked at his stats, and saw he had 10 homeruns. I said, "Time for number 11, Tony!" He immediately drilled his 11th homer. I made three statements in the game, and all three resulted in immediate run scoring. Do you think the Tigers ought to hire me as a coach? Well, at least as a mascot? I did have one blunder in the game. In the half-inning after Bobby's homer, he ran out to right field, which is where I was seated. (Great seats -- good job at getting the tickets, Gary!) A line drive foul ball came directly at me, hitting the wall, then bouncing into right field, where Bobby picked it up. I naturally assumed he would throw the ball back to the infield, so I turned back that way. My glove was open sitting between my knees. Next thing I knew, a baseball bounced off my left knee (just inches from the open glove) and directly into the hands of the people sitting next to me. Had I been paying more attention to Bobby, I would have had a souvenir baseball! Oh well, at least the Tigers won for me. Incidentally, they won three and lost zero during my weekend home, including two shutouts. Let's talk about that mascot position again! (Oh, if you doubt what I said about my impact on the Tiger game, just go to the Harpo Championship Golf Course, and click on Sturge, which is the eighth hole. It will take you to Gary's home page, where you can ask him for verification via his email.) Well, I'm about to head off for a bit of a hike. It's not quite Cedar Point, but it's something to do.

May 18, 1997 - The hike yesterday was definitely an adventure. I hope my writing skills are up to the challenge of properly relating this story! Three others from the office wanted to go camping and fishing, while I was just looking to go hiking, so we took two cars. That way, I could leave them after hiking. The plan was fine, in theory. The spot they chose for fishing was Rainy Lake, near the city of Hood River. We first stopped at a grocery store so the campers could get some food. Apparently, they didn't have much faith in their fishing skills! The drive contained some very nice scenery, but we never did quite make it to Rainy Lake. As we were driving up this dirt road, continuing to gain altitude, we suddenly encountered a large patch of snow. I pulled off to the side, figuring the rented Plymouth Voyager would never make it through the drift. Meanwhile, the other vehicle, a 4 wheel drive Isuzu, attempted to forge ahead. It went about ten feet into the snow, then got totally stuck. Pushing on the gas just led to snow and mud flying everywhere. The undercarriage apparently was resting on the snow, so the tires couldn't get any traction. Well, now we had to figure out how to "unstick" the Isuzu. First, we tried putting some rocks under the wheels. That didn't help at all. Next, a set of chains were placed on the back tires. Wait, that sounds too simple. The act of putting on the chains was really quite an amusing show. Naturally, the chains are not designed to be attached to the tires while the wheels are one-third buried in snow, so some of the snow had to be dug away. Since a shovel was not available, this digging was done with sticks, hands, and even an old license plate. Eventually, the chains were in place. One wheel spun, knocking off the chain, while the other wheel didn't move at all. Well, back to the drawing board. We next tried putting some gravel under the wheels, hoping it would work better than the rocks. Well, it didn't. The next step was to try putting some sticks under the wheels. At this point, the truck could finally be rocked. After a couple of attempts at rocking it out, it broke loose, and backed out of the snow, leaving some very nice mud holes where the road was once located. Now came the next question. We figured we were about two miles from Rainy Lake. Do we still try and get there? Personally, I was just along for a hike, so it didn't bother me to try and hike the two miles. The others planned on camping and fishing, however, so they would need more gear. I was glad to help carry some of the stuff to the lake, as long as they realized that the three of them were on their own for getting it back! The bag that I was carrying had a watermelon in it. One member of the group (names have been omitted to protect the not-quite-innocent) decided she wanted to have that watermelon. Well, OK, I'm a good sport, so I still carried it. We went for quite a distance on mostly-clear roads, then we came to a large snow-covered area. At this point, we stopped momentarily while one member of the group went ahead to see if we were closing in on our destination. He came back, and indicated that the road just got worse up ahead. As a result, we decided to turn back. Needless to say, after hauling that watermelon all that distance, I really didn't want to haul it back, so I suggested we eat it there. Naturally, no one had a knife, so we attempted to break it open on a tree that fell over the road. The tree poked a hole right through the rind, which cause a bunch of goop to pour out of the melon -- it was rotten. The insides were all liquified. Well, at least hauling the melon was good exercise! We then hiked back to the vehicles. Driving back down the road, we came to a location where there was a really pretty view of Mt. Hood, so we stopped to take some pictures. As luck would have it, there was also a good spot for camping at that very location, so the other three decided to make camp there. Of course, I might have felt a bit uneasy camping at a spot where someone had obviously fired many rounds from a rifle, but that's just me. Anyway, after they were all set up, I bid them adieu and headed back to Portland. After all, my idea of roughing it is if I have to stoop to staying at a Motel 6! Despite all the problems, (or, perhaps because of all the problems) it really was a fun trip. I'm not yet sure if I'll go, but I am considering heading in the other direction for a hike near the coast today.

May 28, 1997 - So much has happened since my last entry that this one will be HUGE! Oh well, hopefully it will still be interesting! Back on May 18, I did actually go on that other hike, climbing up Saddle Mountain near the Oregon Coast. The above picture was taken from the trail looking up at the side of Saddle Mountain. The picture which really shows the saddle shape hasn't been developed yet. This hike was a tough one. It took me 2 hours to reach the top, but only 30 minutes to get back down! There was a point when I simply didn't think my legs were going to make it to the top. At the top of the saddle, some boards attached to cables have been added to assist at reaching the plateau. From the top, it was possible to see four mountains: Mt. Hood, Mt. Adams, Mt. St. Helens, and Mt. Rainier. The ocean was also visible. It was really quite a spectacular view. Over the Memorial Day weekend, a group of my coworkers and I (plus Theresa, of course - it wouldn't be the same without her along!) went on a trip to a town called Idleyld, where we stayed at an interesting little hotel called the North Umpqua Resort. Apparently, this hotel was built in the 50's, with the lower level being a diner, and the upper level containing hotel rooms. Now, the diner area is used as one large room. The seven of us shared that room. (Actually, it was split into several rooms.) This place was truly unbelievable. The view was fantastic. However, that view could only be seen through the half-bathroom, where the fake wood panel was all bulging outwards. There was not an actual heater -- the whole unit was heated by a wood stove. There were switches on the ceiling, protected by tape, which were for the signs out front. The living room contained a wooden picnic table, with a plastic table cloth. The kitchen tiling looked rather like an old hillbilly's teeth -- most of the tiles were missing. The kitchen also contained what may very well have been the first microwave ever built. Amazingly, it still worked! The carpets and tile were apparently last cleaned somewhere around 1970. The owner of the place, whom I nicknamed Norman, explained that his father built the hotel. There were six different owners since his father, then Norman purchased it. I guess Norman's mother (think Hitchcock movies here) decided that it's once again time to move -- the place is currently listed for $525,000. I might consider buying the place for $525, but not for $525,000! The only redeeming quality of this hotel was its location overlooking the North Umpqua River. It even had a path down to the river, although the path was about as well maintained as the hotel. I actually felt rather sorry for Theresa. She called around to try and find a hotel for us, and warned us that we'd be taking a risk since none of us had been down that way before. I think the room actually bothered her the most, largely because she made the reservations. Certainly, no one blamed her for the condition -- if she had known, I have no doubt she would have picked another hotel, even though they were not particularly easy to find in that region. Personally, I thought the room was quite amusing, and actually added quite a bit of character to the trip. I don't expect that I would stay at that hotel again, but it wasn't that bad, especially considering the price: we each paid $8 per night. On the first two nights, Norman came in to light a fire in the stove. For some reason, he didn't light a fire for us on the third night, which, I think, was the coldest of the nights. That evening, however, he did show up with the bill, apparently concerned that we would skip out without paying. What a ninny. Oh, I should clarify that I gave the owner the nickname of Norman BEFORE the events of the first evening, when, at about 2 AM, we were awakened to a rather piercing female scream outside our window. Fortunately, Norman appeared to make his quota with that guest, so we all escaped with our lives! On Saturday, we drove up to Crater Lake, located at a very high elevation. The lake was formed at the top of a volcano. As we approached, the snow continued to get deeper. The view of the lake was absolutely stunning -- I hope the pictures turn out well! While we were there, some clouds moved in, totally obscuring the view, plus producing a fairly significant snow storm. It almost felt like being back in Michigan in winter, with the exception of the presence of a mountain! On Sunday, we went white water rafting on the North Umpqua river. That trip was really fun. We almost flipped when we hit a rock in the first section of rapids, but we held on! Jim's Oregon Whitewater launched three boats that day -- of the three, we were the only ones that did not have anyone go overboard. Hooray for us! We were also the fastest moving raft, so we continuously had to back-paddle to stay with the others. When we stopped for lunch, we had to wait quite a while before we could eat -- the guides couldn't find the truck with our lunch! Eventually, the driver showed up, and we were treated to a very nice meal. I'm glad Theresa and Brian asked me along -- the rafting was really enjoyable. OK, sure, it isn't quite like a trip to Cedar Point, but it was still very fun. I just wish I could afford to do it more often, but white water rafting is quite expensive. I did have a small feeling of concern when talking to one of the guides prior to this trip, however. He indicated that a group of about 30 guides went rafting down the North Umpqua River two weeks earlier, and every single raft flipped. From talking to our guide, it seems that they all flipped at the spot where we nearly went over. The trip did provide me with an excellent opportunity for a really bad pun. One section of rapids (the Class 4 section) is called Pinball. Naturally, I had to ask, "So, where are the flippers?" I think the guide was the only one to hear me, and I don't think he entirely got the joke, since he indicated that we were fortunate that there weren't any today. Of course, I'm thinking about pinball machines and the flipping of the rafts, so I rather expected to see flippers in the rapids called Pinball! Oh well, I guess that shows why I'm an engineer and not a comedian. The most unusual part of the raft ride came at the end, when we encountered a very happy group on the shore of the river. This group was swimming, uh, shall we say, "in the buff." What I don't understand is how they could manage to be swimming in such freezing cold water! Well, they waved at us, and we waved back, making every effort not to stare! That was, without a doubt, the most interesting wildlife we saw on that raft journey. On Monday, much of the group went fishing. Well, I don't fish, and it seems Theresa doesn't do much fishing, either, so we went hiking instead. We found two very nice waterfalls near Lake In The Woods, a small lake which doesn't appear on the maps. It's too bad that the rest of the group went to Hemlock Lake, as the fish were jumping out of the water at Lake In The Woods! We did go back to tell them, but by the time they arrived at the lake, the fish had stopped jumping. Well, that sums up the trip. I really wasn't particularly interested in returning to work Tuesday morning, but I managed to drag myself in somehow! I even mustered enough energy for racquetball. Sadly, the button popped off of my shorts, so I had to borrow some shorts from another player. It worked out reasonably well, however. Brian wiped me out in the first game, but then I managed to win the next two one-on-one games against Dave and Rolando, then I won the cut-throat game against Brian and Rolando. (Dave had to leave due to the arm of his glasses breaking off. Bummer.) I'm really amazed that I won as many as I did -- I really wasn't playing all that well, but I did feel that I was moving around the court rather well. Brian was playing very well, but he just ran out of steam at the end. I guess I really have two strengths in racquetball: my speed, and my endurance. If I could just figure out how to hit the darn thing, I might actually start looking pretty good out there! To my web site, I added a copy of the article written about my team's patent application. I'm really proud of this accomplishment.