Enigma #1
Women in the USA have complained, rightly, about the predatory nature of the male of the species. I have known personally men who live by the "four Fs", Find them, Feel them, F**k them, and Forget them.
My experiance with females indicates that they have learned the lesson and
now practice their own brand of exploitation. I have been dumped by a wife
whose reproductive urge I did not fulfill(opps, I was wrong! Another woman
didn't believe that, so I asked my ex; it turned out she dumped me because I
had agoraphobia...... "in sickness and in health" the legend
goes.)("Another woman" didn't believe that, either: her exact
response was "You don't divorce someone because they get sick!", so
in 2007 I asked my ex again, and was told it was both me not wanting kids AND
me having agoraphobia.)(Lesson learned too late: Don't make lifetime, life
altering promises when you are a 19 year old male!!Try to remember this
basic fact of life: almost all women want to have kids.....I have no idea why,
but as teenagers they already do: see below.) *(3/05: my ex writes to me that I
only tell half the story and tell it cruelly, so let me be clear: I do stand by
the facts as .stated
then), a fiancee whose financial needs were taken care of in other ways
(she wanted me to pay for her son's college education, until said son turned
out to be a genius, winning a full ride scholarship that covered both
undergraduate and graduate (PhD) studies!), and twice by women with kids who
wanted someone who actually liked kids to be a stepfather. They profess to love
you until you no longer get them what they want, then you become superfluous,
and they look elsewhere to get what they want.
(My hypothesis about why women want kids: There may be a very
few woman who like the pain, the weight gain, the swollen feet, the
bladder control problem, the
stretch
marks/C-section scars, the nausea, the vomiting every morning, the end of
their sexual attractiveness, and the restriction of freedom, that go along with
pregnency/motherhood,
BDSM types,
but that is not typical. Women are herd(see truth #1 here)
creatures, they want what other women want. A woman's first role model is her
mother, who either had children or adopted. As a woman's friends, sisters,
sisters-in-law, etc have children and tell her what a wonderful experiance it is, leaving out the details
about the baby's constant crying
and whining, she wants one, too! When she actually HAS the baby, and it's
not quite what she expected, she will bitch to her fellow child-burdened, but
continue to preach to the childfree:
bitch
and backpeddle)(Of course, there are another very few women
who have figured out that sitting at home while some man works to support them
is a good reason to become a mother.)(Plus, there are accidental mothers who
never quite figured out how birth control works, or were
oops-ed by a
guy who sabotaged the condem, and some mothers whose religion forbids birth
control other than abstinence.)
Alternate hypothesis: People who have never accomplished anything in
life can at least produce a baybee.
(Most people, men and women alike, are heavily influenced by their parents'
examples, especially on baybees and religion; obviously it doesn't always
happen: my two sisters had children, but I am nothing like my
parents.)
Honestly, this just a hypothesis. I can not understand why any woman who thinks
hard about it would want to undergo this life altering procedure, with the
exception of hardcore religious people whose Holy Book or High Priest requires
it. ("Definition of a Baby (from the coffee mug of a mother of three): A
handy way of disposing of unwanted cash and filling up free time, while cutting
down on unnecessary sleep, curtailing a demanding social life, and curing a
neurotic obsession with personal hygiene."- copied and pasted from the
Childfree
list 1-16-12; submitted by Jerry Steinberg, founder of
NO KIDDING!)
My own experiance: I was the "first born" and was old enough
to remember when my mother was pregnant with my youngest sibling.. One of my
own mother's favorite sayings after the birth: "ANYTHING to keep the
baby quiet!" My mother also liked to sing a line from
Kids!"Why
can't they be like we were, perfect in every way?" When my
then-future, now ex-wife had me assure her that we would have children, I was a
19 year old college student, way too young to make such a permanent
life-altering promise. After I had graduated and started working, I decided
that living free was more important than breeding. My ex went along, but she
didn't like it and divorced me a few years later. I never had a moment's regret
that I missed out on the "fun"?? of having children. I got a
vasectomy to insure my "fun" free status would be permanent. (Having
a baybee is all the fun of living with a howling, screeching, financial
sinkhole; it's like living with a pathological gambler.)
Love? I agree with Ayn Rand, who said that to love is to value. We are reaching a point where women do not value men per se, but value what men can provide them with, mainly in a materialistic sense. The men who practice the "Four Fs", and the women who use men as financial support/sperm donor until the man gets sick, are the same kind of people. Their attitude is "Use 'em and lose 'em".
Esther Vilar, in her 1972 book The Manipulated Man, discusses the second paragraph at length.
Enigma #2
As women get older, they are more and more likely to have repeatedly
encountered the predatory males mentioned above, with the resulting attitudes,
"all men are alike" and/or "men only care about one thing".
One consequence of this is that older single males find it increasingly
difficult to find women their age who still like men, or who still like sex(see
#3 below): thus the occurrence of "older man, young woman"
relationships.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: It is quite true that many "men only care about one
thing". However, many women also care only about one thing, too:
PWESHUS WIDDLE BAYBEES! It is amusing to note that men and women, in
general, want the same thing (sex), but for very different reasons.
"If the girl you want to commit your life to is the first girl you've ever dated and/or slept with, do NOT fucking marry her. You're a brainless idiot for even considering it."(I did this. A guy needs more experiance with women, not just sexually; he needs to date enough to realize that women vary extensively, not just sexually, but in honesty. A guy really needs to be lied to a few times and dumped, so he knows what he is getting into. Knowing in advance that "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part" is nice in a movie but is frequently total bullshit in real life will help a guy get over the trauma of his first really big dumping.) Remember this, guys! She probably wants to have baybees! AND she probably wants you to pay for them! And she MAY want to stop working and stay home with them(you may not just support a baybee, but an unemployed woman, too.)(See Baybee Footnote below). Don't believe she doesn't want baybees unless she has been surgically permanently sterilized, is OK with you getting surgically permanently sterilized, and has a career she loves(staying at home watching TV and changing diapers while the husband is at work is NOT a career!) . (If she says she is on the "pill" or any non permanent birth control, she can oops you when she gets baybee rabies, if you haven't gotten a vasectomy.)(Worse yet, she can get pregnant by some other guy, and you can get stuck paying child support for 18 years, unless you demand a paternity test as soon as she becomes pregnant.)(I'm not a lawyer, but I think husbands are presumed to be the father, and will be so listed on the birth certificate, so have a paternity test long before the birth.)(If you've had a vasectomy, been tested and shown to have a zero sperm count, and your wife gets pregnant, see a lawyer: not necessarily a divorce lawyer, you just need to know the legal details from an expert.)
Enigma #3
When women pass through menopause, the changes in their reproductive system (they dry up "down there") cause a great many of them to give up sex entirely. Taking estrogen can restore their sex drive, but doctors will not prescribe it to women with cancer risks. This is a disaster for men who still like sex and prefer the company of women their own age, myself for example! (Lots of women lose interest in sex long before menopause. I heard this joke years ago: "What two words cause a woman to lose interest in sex?" "I do." John Ross has a similar statement on his planning for divorce page: "A large number of modern American-born women have little to no interest in sex after marriage. There's the old joke: Q: What food causes women to lose 98% of their sex drive? A: Wedding cake." )
Men eventually find out to their dismay that they like sex a whole lot more
than the average female does. (One man's take:
Sex
after marriage stops.)(I, personally, have known exactly two women
who liked sex as much, and in the same way, as men do.) Women tend to view sex
as a means toward getting a man/keeping a man/procreation; when menopause ends
procreation, they do not see the end of their sex life as particularly
disappointing, although the man or men in their life will have a very different
reaction. [There is said to be a thing called
Male
Menopause: the market for products like Viagra and its functional clones
supports a huge volume of SPAM (junk email); there is no corresponding product
marketed to women to prolong their sex life, AFAIK]
OMG!! I just realized. I am 61 and still like sex. All
the cute sexy women I went to school with are post-menopausal and dried up now.
Until now, I have never understood why a man could be interested in a woman 20
years his junior, like my ex-wife's second husband was. I used to take cruises
with a woman a year older than me. One of the biggest shocks of my life was the
change in her personality that occured after menopause. It wasn't just that her
sex drive went off a cliff; her personality became somewhat
morose.Bummer! (To be fair here, I should add that this woman, who had six
children, all over 20, when I met her, was the most sexually alluring woman I
have ever met, and was probably one of the most sexually
active.)(Double bummer: This woman was a heavy smoker. The last
time I heard from her, she was writing her Will and sounded like she had COPD.)
Note: Unlike my ex-wife's second husband, I have zero interest in girls 20
years younger, who I regard as children. Sure, they are nice to look at, but
are boring to talk to, unless they are exceptionally intelligent and/or you
have common interests.
Disclaimer: Yes, this is overly generalized. Of course there are exceptions: women who like sex for its own sake (even after menopause), men who don't like sex, people of both sexes whose religion has led them to take a vow of celibacy; I will add other exceptions as they come to my attention.
A Critic writes to me: "regarding your "enigma" page. although you do acknowledge at the end that you overly generalize, I can't help but wonder what you hope to accomplish by doing so? could not we say that you fall victim to the male version of enigma #2: "...resulting attitudes that 'all (wo)men are alike'"?"
Probably! I promise to rewrite this and eliminate generalizations.
OK, here is an explicit statement:
ANY statement that: Because two people share an attribute X, therefore they
must also share an attribute Y, is a fallacy. Every individual must be
evaluated independently in all areas that have no direct relation to X
*NOTE: I fell for that "in sickness and in health.....until death do us part" line because I thought people really meant it when they said wedding vows. It's not always BS, I know of three marriages that survived even though one of the partners had Alzheimer's Disease , which has got to be a lot worse than a partner with agoraphobia. (Speculation: the spouse-with-Alzheimer's marriages probably last because the healthy spouse knows that death is going to part them, and it would be cruel to cast off a spouse with Alzheimer's. At the end, the spouse may be a person-with-Alzheimer's only link to reality. I saw that it was like that for my mother, and I understand it was like that when Ronald Reagen had Alzheimer's.)
Baybee Footnote: I have known personally exactly ONE professional woman who had a baybee and continued her highly successful career; she should be a financial Vice President at a major University by now. I wish there were more women like her. There is a Fox News anchor, called Megyn Kelly(who has a J.D.), who I didn't even know was pregnant until she showed up on camera with her grossly distended belly, who did return to Fox after the delivery (Ms Kelly found that changing diapers instead of working was so much fun she went on a second pregnancy leave!); another post-pregnancy Fox News anchor, called Julie Banderas, has also returned. Self-made billionaire Meg Whitman managed to produce 2 baybees while amassing a fortune. OTOH, I had a female MD once who was a *genius*, the best doctor I ever had, who retired from medicine after she had a baybee. Bummer! OTOH#2, I once had a female Internet acquaintance, a high level computer wizard(she designed a set of Halloween themed pointers and animated cursors to replace Microsoft's boring mouse pointer in Windows 9x, NT, and 2000) who called herself Apple_Kay, M_Kayla, mint(short, IIRC, for the Cure song mint car), and NeonVox, who disappeared online, and deleted her web sites, after having a baybee. It's a shame, the female brains that go to waste after reproduction. OTOH#3, I once knew a woman who was student help in Accounts Receivable at Western Michigan University. She was the smartest woman I have ever known. Her (Roman Catholic) mother had 12 children. Now married, she has undoubtedly begun to have baybees. It is tragic, to know that a great mind will go unused. OTOH#4, I used to work for a man who said his wife, a CPA, was smarter than him, who retired from the CPA biz as soon as she had a baybee. Pet peeve: I really like smart women, and I really hate it when smart women waste their brains breeding!
Having a Baby Totally Sucks or, The Things they are Scared to Tell a New Father.(absolutely essential reading for future new fathers!)
Having a Baby Will Ruin Your Life, by a successful woman.
Motherhood Sucks, another woman's take.
Another Motherhood Sucks page!
Yet Another Motherhood_Sucks page!!
Still Another Motherhood Sucks page-this one is more about Pregnancy Sucks
A long Pregnancy Sucks page-women who have never been pregnant....read this and be warned!
6 Terrifying Things They Don't Tell You About Childbirth
7 terrifying things they dont tell you about pregnancy
childfree.net: Preparation for Parenthood
Broke? Have a baby! They are free!-a serious look at the financial cost of motherhood
Hate being a mom | Secret Confessions
Postscript: here is a page about women by a guy even more cynical than me:
Myths and
Truths, and
Understanding
Women, plus here is a more cynical site:
RelationShit.
The best pages on RelationShit:
Marrying
a chick.
A Furthur Enigma
In 2009 I corresponded briefly with a woman in
Ukraine, named Victoria
("Vika"),and was extremely surprised to find out that
the equality of the
sexes idea has not yet reached that former part of the former USSR. This
Ukrainian woman seriously thought along the lines of 1950s USA: Men should
support women financially, and women's silly whims should be catered to,
because "that is the way it is done in my country"!
(Others go on about how they want to live in a "cozy" home. How very
1950s USA! BORING! I think "cozy" is code for "all my financial
and emotional needs are taken care of", just as ".I would like my man
be family-oriented" is code for "I want to have baybees, that he will
work to support".) Will someone please tell Ukrainian women that it isn't
the Victorian Age anymore? (Futhur correspondence with other Ukrainian women
has convinced me that my first contact was an
anomaly; not typical of
Ukrainian women in general.)
Although I have heard more than once that
Eastern
women are a much better bet than Western women for a long term
relationship, by the time Ukrainian women are old enough to be interesting to
me, they (almost) invariably are divorced, have failed at marriage once before,
and have had baybees!, and some want more
(they use phrases like "build a strong family", "should adore
children", "family oriented", "will love me and my
children", and the worst: " I adore children they are flowers of our
lives.", "My main goal to bring up my son as a real man", and
"will accept my son as his own child")! Plus, since they are mommies,
they do not speak English at all. Sadly (tragically!), female intellectual
development tends to cease with childbirth. The smartest women I have met are,
or were at the time, childfree. I wonder if (childless) high level intellects
like Drs. Condoleezza
Rice/Elena Kagan
would have become Provost at Stanford/Dean of Harvard Law School if they had
had baybees at age 20?
There is a word that describes foreign women who do not want to learn English,
have no education beyond High School, whose entire view of the future revolves
around baybees, and "love to travel":
goldigger
(A lot of these women are just looking for a
"$ugar
daddy"; their idea of a career is breeding and watching TV; the
only Ukrainian woman who has interested me is a college graduate and is
working in a professional career, speaks English, and is not overly concerned
with baybees!)(Yes, I know about the
"Russian
dating scam"; this woman has never even hinted at needing money. If
she ever did, I would cease contact immediately.)(Amusing note: When I told
this woman I would trust her when we met in real life and she looked like her
pictures, I never heard from her again!)(Blacklist of Russian dating
scammers)
Note: Only in the former USSR can a woman have a High School education and list
her occupation as "medical doctor"!
First Rule of being a single guy
Don't ever get involved with a woman who has kids from a prior
relationship/marriage! She grew the kid(s) inside her body, probably fed them
from her breast, and took care of them from Day 1. She will always feel closer
to the kid(s) than she will to you. Sorry. Beware the "they are grown and
on their own" line. Once they get that far they may have baybees, too, and
you will be even lower on her "close people" list. (Once a woman has
a baybee, Little Pweshus is #1, except for rare career women/mothers.)
My own experiance: I met the perfect
woman: extremely intelligent, extremely rational, and psychologically and
financially independent! Unfortunately, she had two kids, who happened to see
us "do it". (No, we were not exhibitionists! We thought the kids were
asleep in their bedroom.) This woman never spoke a civil word to me again, and
immediately moved far away. Her kids meant more to her than I ever would.
Bummer
Second Rule
Don't ever get involved with a woman who says, "Gambling is fun!",
likes to gamble a lot, and does not have either an income or lots of money. See
My story: Living with a
compulsive gambler. The three biggest mistakes of my life:
1. Marrying a woman whose big, perhaps only, goal in life was having baybees.
(I really misread her! A woman who was invited to enter the Doctor of
Education program after she had completed her Masters degree, was very
intelligent, and only wanted to do what Mommie and Big Sister had done in
life!) (She wanted to be a UMWACD; Unemployed Mommie With A College Degree,
sitting around with her peers talking about how they were doing
TMIJITW;The Most
Important Job In The World.)
2. Being engaged to a woman with a kid.
3. Living with an unemployed woman who had kids and was a
pathological gambler.
A personal admission
I am fascinated by the late porn star whose stage name was Linda Lovelace. (The official Linda Lovelace tribute site)(The one and only Linda Lovelace official site) I have never seen the porn movie for which she became famous, Deep Throat, but I did buy and watch a later movie Linda Lovelace for President(nudity but no hardcore sex, with an atrocious script; understandably a box office flop). I am convinced from this movie that Linda had real potential as a legit actress, but was hopelessly typecast by her earlier work while married to her abusive 1st husband/manager/pimp, who died just a few months after Linda was killed in a traffic accident. A tragic life, wasted.(Linda strikes me on a purely subjective level, as being quite intelligent. I would have to read her testimony before the Meese Commission to make a more objective evaluation.)( Attorney General's Commission on Pornography-final report) I suspect that most people judge Linda by her superficial past history. Linda co-wrote two books. "Ordeal", and "Out of Bondage", about the nightmare aspects of her acting career. (Linda Lovelace at the Internet Adult Film Database)
My almost ideal (fictional) female: FBI Agent Erica Evans in the 2009-11 series "V". Agent Evans is smart, self confident, capable of fighting physically and using a gun, and computer literate. Only drawback, which makes Agent Evans only "almost ideal": she is obsessed with the safety of her son, and takes risks to protect him, which might be her undoing, as we viewers already suspect that the son is not a 100% biological human; the Visitors may have interfered with his development when he was a fetus.(Part of the storyline is that Visitors disguised as humans have been on Earth for years. Agent Evans' FBI partner was shot and killed in a raid; she took a look at the corpse and discovered that her partner was not human.) Stay tuned, Tuesday nights at 9:00 PM on ABC. (Season finale March 15, 2011.)(Plug: the DVDs for the first season are available from Amazon.com; the second season can be ordered and is available now.)
My ideal (fictional) female: Edith Alice Breezerman, female lead of the movie Beezy! If only, women with Breezy's personality existed in real life!
Lest anyone get the wrong impression, I really do prefer the company of women (in general) to men, but I do prefer women who are intelligent, rational, and independent(that's independent both psychologically and financially).The kind of woman I like would sing this song.
Orig pub. 6-25-98, revised 1-8-05 version here(the version my ex disliked), rev 2-4-12