Rob E.'s Letter 15 January 1997

But I just wrote down the old address!

Pretty much whenever my address changes I try to get out a letter to let everyone know where I am. Well not everyone. If Mastercard really wants to find me, I'm sure they'll track me down eventually. So, yes, I've moved again. The new address and number are yours for the asking. Check them out, write them down(in pencil), and then you should probably try sending something there, just to make sure the new address works.

The Fishsitter's Club

So what precipitated this monumental move from the East Side of Cleveland to an entirely different place on the East Side of Cleveland? My cousin, Carleen, just had a little rug rat, so I'm moving in with Rich and Carleen to help out and to assume my nanny duties when Carleen goes back to work. The lil' tyke was born around 10:pm on January 12th. Her name is Devynn James. She was born 8 pounds, 5 ounces, and 20 inches. Since when do you measure people in just inches? Fish you measure in inches, people are in feet plus inches. If I find out I'm nannying for a fish, I am going to be highly upset. As to where this youngster came from, you may have heard stories about storks or cabbage leaves. If these are the stories you're familiar with, then I don't want to shake your faith. You go on believing that, and I'll keep what I know to myself. The truth is far more disturbing.

Being Born, eh? Take lots of Evian with you.

Anyhow, it wasn't exactly smooth sailing. The baby came home a couple of days later than expected. On her second day out she started spitting up her food and developed a fever. She was okay the next day. The doctors don't know exactly what happened, but I have my theories. I figure just like any trip, Devynn got a little advice before she headed into the outside world, and there's always someone who's best advice is, "Don't drink the water." So there you have it. Mystery solved.

That button is as cute as a baby.

So the baby is home, she's as cute as a button, and who among us has not often been stopped in their tracks by the cuteness of a button? Just about all she does is eat and sleep. With so much in common, we should get along just fine. Carleen will be taking some time off, so my nanny duties won't officially begin until she goes back to work, but I'm sure I'll get lots of babying in before then. This lil' tyke goes through more diapers in a day then I go through yoo-hoos.

Workin' for a living, maybe.

I'm changing employment in other ways, too. I enjoyed working at the Science Center while it lasted, but this Friday is my last day. I'm going to work for a temp agency where it's hard to know how I'll enjoy the work, but I hope to enjoy other perks I lacked at the science center like money to pay the bills, buy food, and put gas in my car. I'll have to let you know how that goes.

Do you know the road to Africa?

Enough about me, how's everyone else? I was able to see a couple of Columbus people over New Year's, but most of you I haven't seen in ages. Everyone's so spread out these days. West coast, East coast, Africa, Japan, even Philadelphia. It's impossible to keep up with everyone. I'd like to come visit everyone, but my car won't make to the next zip code, let alone out of state, and I hear the drive to Chad, Africa is pretty rough. Still, if my finances get straightened out, I hope to do some visiting this year, so hopefully I'll get to see some of you.

Merry Belated Christmas

So how was everyone's holidays? I just want to let everyone who sent me a card know that I appreciated it, and what's more, I put together a nice, Christmasy letter that I was going to send out, but unfortunately I finished the first draft around the 23rd. By the time all of the revisions are done, it'll be next Thanksgiving, which will work out okay, so just look for an early Christmas letter next year. I even printed out some envelopes, so if this letter came looking a little festive, now you know why.

Just Another New Year's Eve

New Year's Eve was fun. I lost the phone numbers for half the people I wanted to get in touch with, but I still got to see lots of people. And my car broke down, but I've come to expect that, and so I took in stride. First chore of the new year was to get my car running again(with a lot of help from Jenni C).

Movies Till Your Eyes Burn Out

Well, now everyone knows where I am and what I'm doing, or at least as much as I do, so let where you're at and what you're up to and why and how and with whom and were the authorities involved. So send me mail. I don't expect to be moving again anytime soon, so who knows when I'll be hounding you all again with one of these generic letters. Right now I need to go to bed. In two days I'll be blowing my life savings by going to the 24 hour science fiction marathon in Columbus, and I need to start storing up my sleep so I can survive it. I'd hate to drift off at 4:30am in the middle of Repo Man. You know what a bummer that would be. Well, okay, maybe you don't, but take my word for it, that'd be a bummer. So at this point I'd like to close the letter using the alien greeting from The Day the Earth Stood Still, which I'll be seeing tentatively at 6:ish pm, but I can't remember it. The science fiction geek in me is rather disappointed by this, but there's another part that's somewhat pleased. That's the part that'll be making fun of the audience once I get home on Sunday. I feel like I could do a Frosted Mini-wheat type commercial: "The sociologist in me goes for an interesting cultural experience." This will be said with me looking normal and scholarly(I can too look scholarly! No, really, it's being scholarly that I have a problem with, but I can look scholarly.). Then I'm replaced by a different me as I say, "But the trekkie in me goes for the great movies." And now in the commercial you're looking at me wearing Vulcan ears and my Star Wars T-shirt that doesn't fit anymore and eating from my Battlestar Galactica lunch box.

See you in the funny pages.

Okay, we're at the end of the page, which was what I hoped to accomplish. I hate leaving big, white spaces at the end. I don't like to think of those trees dying in vain. Better they should die so I can leave you with a lot of incomprehensible gibberish, so you can hand this to someone else and say, "I give up. Does this last paragraph make any sense to you?" Y'all write back now, ya hear? Klaatu borada nikto .

Yours Till the Red King Wakes Up,
Live Long and Prosper ,
Rob E.

But wait, there's more.

Footnotes

and put gas in my car: As well as a radiator and an alternator.
look for an early Christmas letter next year: But don't hold your breath(or anyone else's for that matter).
my life savings: Don't worry, it doesn't even make it into triple digits.
trekkie: Or trekker, I don't know which I'm supposed to be.
trees dying in vain: Or virtual trees if you're reading this on the internet.
Klaatu borada nikto: Okay, so I looked up the The Day the Earth Stood Still page on the web. I guess the sci-fi geek in me wins out. Was there ever any doubt? I just hope I can find that Star Wars shirt before the marathon.
Live Long and Prosper: Yep, I can do the hand thing, too.

home to the 5th Dimension

Or, if you're up to it, you can read the previous letter.