Thursday, September 02, 2004

This just in

Long time, no write
or business as usual

Let me tell you about my bathtub drain. I know you don't want to hear about it, and I don't blame you, but it can't be helped. See, as hair vacates my scalp at an alarmingly increasing frequency, it often takes up residence in the bathtub drain. If I would, at regular intervals, reach down there and pull those hairs out, it wouldn't be a big deal. There'd be a manageable quantity, the drain wouldn't clog, and I'd never have to deal with the nausea-inducing situation that invariably arises when I ignore the fact that all that hair must be going somewhere and instead focus on finding a hat or a new, "interesting" way to comb my remaining hair. What happens is that I wait until the drain stops up or slows to a trickle. Then I remove the drain stopper, stick my fingers as far down the drain as far as they'll go, and strain to pull out the nastiest, most disgusting, slimy mass of soggy, soapy hair that you've ever seen. I can't even explain it from a logical standpoint, because while I know it has to be mostly my own hair, every clump I pull up seems to represent more hair than I actually have. It's incredibly gross, it often makes me want to gag, and it's the reason why I haven't updated my web log in a long time. Well, metaphorically speaking anyway. See, if I cleaned the drain out on a regular basis before it started to clog, it wouldn't be nearly as much of a project and what I pulled out wouldn't be nearly so messy. Likewise, if I'd tell you stuff as it happens, rather than letting it pile up, I wouldn't find myself writing such a convoluted log entry. Kind of like an actual log jam in a river: Catch it early, and it's easy to fix, but wait until they pile up, and you've got to call Paul Bunyon to help you out. Actually, that's a lot better than the clogged drain metaphor, and less prone to make you retch, so forget all that soggy hairball stuff and focus on the log jam scenario. Sorry I had to put you through all that.

Fish don't fry in the kitchen;
Beans don't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin'
Just to get up that hill.

So a lot has happened since my last post, but let's start with the most recent, the movin' on up to a deluxe apartment in the sky part. Well, I'm not sure what constitutes "deluxe." There is a garbage disposal and air conditioning which pretty much exceeds my expectations, but maybe I'm aiming low. The "in the sky" part seems accurate though, and the "took a whole lot of tryin' just to get up that hill" line resonates quite a bit having moved some largish appliances up a tallish flight of stairs. We haven't moved far, just about 10 miles north: closer to my work, closer to Jenn's work, and, given that we live on the second floor of an apartment building that is both on stilts and at the top of a hill, closer to God. Ironically the new place has a more rustic setting then our old edge-of-town place, but it also has a more urban neighborhood. We're now surrounded by woods rather than landscaped bushes and grass, but we're also a ten minute walk from the mall. The move went more or less without a hitch thanks to many helpful people such as Antonio who helped with all the heavy lifting, Anne (and family) who kept an eye on the pooches for us, and Mary and Hans who helped put the old apartment back into some kind of shape before we turned in the keys. There remains some unpacking to do, furniture to rearrange, and pictures to be hung, but we are settling in nicely, even Sophie, who seems to have finally accepted the idea that stairs are a safe and reliable way to get from the ground to the second floor entrance to the apartment. We're particularly pleased about that because she weighs rather more than she did when we first got her. In InternetLand we should remain stationary: e-mail addresses remain the same as does this web address, but if you have our address in your books and no mention is made of "Apartment C" then you have the wrong one. Let me know, and I'll fix you up with something more current.

Then because you share a love so big
I now pronounce you frog and pig.

The other big news has nothing to do with farm animals, amphibians, or Jim Henson, so don't let the picture fool you. I've been so bad about contacting everyone that now some people know and some don't and some are hearing things through the grapevine, so I end up getting e-mails like this:

Subject: SUP? From: Susie Date: 8/9/2004 8:57 PM To: Rob E.

Hi Rob E. What's up? The rumor mill is a'churnning!!! Susie

So then I feel bad, because I've really been wanting to tell everyone myself, but I'm so damn lazy that I never do it, so now it's too late to head the rumors off at the pass, and I instead have to respond to them:

Subject: Re: SUP? From: Rob E. Date: 8/9/2004 10:34 PM To: Susie

>What's up? The rumor mill is a'churnning!!! Well, you can't believe everything you hear. The whole state trooper thing was just a misunderstanding, and the whole situation with the ostridge was really taken out of context and blown out of proportion, and the drug ring was really just a clerical error: turns out the code for an expired meter is only one number different from the code for having a crystal meth lab in your basement. Too bad the papers got ahold of it before the cops straightened it out. So you see, any rumors you might have heard are completely unfounded. I hope this teaches you not to listen to gossip. Rob E. P.S. Guess what? I'm getting married!

So there you have it. I apologize for letting the rumors get ahead of me, but nothing has gone in a logical order, which is, I guess, pretty much the norm for me. For instance, the whole matter of a proposal and a ring was sort of passed over. I think we're going to go back and pick that up later. It started with an idle conversation about honeymoons, which segwayed into potential dates, and we then picked the date, then we booked the place, and all of the sudden we were engaged. Then we told the immediate family, and since then it's been lots of planning. It'll be a tiny wedding with mostly immediate family at the end of February. Hopefully in March or April we'll have some kind of post-honeymoon party/reception where we can invite all the people we weren't able to bring to the wedding. There will be wine, women, and song, but of course by that time women will be off limits.

More to come

The whole wedding process so far has been interesting and contains the fodder for several blog entries, and there's probably more to be said about the move and the new apartment, and heaven knows more has been going on than moving and marriages. I'm hoping that by pushing these two big topics out in this nasty hairball of a post, that I will unclog my rusty, cluttered mind and allow new posts to flow on out to the web log. Only time will tell, so check back and perhaps you'll find tales of photographers, caterers, and bakers (oh my) or pictures of my newly installed toilet seat. Until then, be well, and whatever you do, do not click here.

posted 1:13 PM

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