I keep hearing that the President has a Man Date. Isn't that in direct opposition to part of his platform? I mean, hey, if he wants a Man Date, that's his own business, but I just want to know: Who's flip-flopping now?
Actually, no, I do not want to know that.
posted Friday, January 21, 2005

 

My fiancee thinks I'm overly suspicious of people and/or organizations.

But I think she's just covering for someone.

posted Friday, October 22, 2004

 

Question originally posed in a letter to a friend, now posed to the World At Large:

Yours Truly,
Rob E.

PS Why is it "Yours Truly"? Is that like opposed to "falsely"? Is it like saying, "No, I really mean it."? Because if you really feel the need to put that kind of addendum on your closing, shouldn't you perhaps be concerned that the rest of the letter might be read as insincere without similar qualifiers? "I hope you're doing well. Really, I do, I'm not just saying that, I really hope that. My sister had a baby last fall, literally, a real baby, not a doll or anything, she like went through actual labour and everything. It's a girl, as in an honest-to-goodness female child, vagina, no breasts yet, but presumably they'll come, no fooling…" and so on. Just wondering.

posted Wednesday, April 14, 2004

 I want you to think of the funniest thing you've ever read in your entire life. If you're not laughing out loud right now, try to think of something funnier. You got it? Good. Now pretend like you read it in this spot right here. Thank you.
posted Wednesday, March 10, 2004

 My excitement at finally having solid poop for the first time in three days is somewhat tempered by the fact there's really no one I can share the joyous news with.
(except you, dear internet, except you)
posted Thursday, February 12, 2004

 

Ripped from my e-mail:

...Do you think Commissioner Gordon ever calls the Bat Phone, disguises his voice, and is like, "I'm just wondering how much you're currently paying for long distance and am hoping to talk to you about incredible savings you could make by switching to Sprint..."? Of course that wouldn't work because Batman totally has caller ID, except that he calls it "Bat Caller ID" and has a sticker that says so that he made with his "Bat Label Maker." And Robin's all, "Dude, it's not a 'Bat Caller ID.' It's just 'caller ID.' Everyone has them. You can get one at K-mart." And then Batman's kind of embarrassed because he knows Robin is right but he can't admit it, so it just makes him grumpy. And that's why Batman is so pissy all the time.

posted Tuesday, December 16, 2003

 Taking a stand.
I think it's time I voiced an actual opinion and came out agains the US Episcopal Church's appointment of a gay bishop. Here's a group of largely kind, decent people and it certainly would be a shame to sully their otherwise good reputation by throwing their lot in with the Episcopalians.
posted Monday, November 03, 2003

 

Keeping you up to date on your weather terminology during hurricane season:

Hurricane	Raleigh's Hockey Team
Tropical Storm	1 1/4 oz Light Rum 1 oz Banana Liqueur Fill Orange Juice with splash of Pineapple Juice & Grenadine Shake - Garnish With Cherry Flag
Tropical Depression	All out of rum at the Tiki bar

There, consider yourself warned.

posted Wednesday, September 17, 2003

 I was sad because I had no pillow, but then I met a man who had no head.
posted Sunday, August 03, 2003

 I saw Lisa Marie perform last night.
She had this twitchy leg going, and some pelvic movements that made me think, "Who died and made her Elvis?"
Then I remembered.

If she hadn't had the jimmy leg and pelvis going, then I wouldn't have missed it, but since she did, I really think she should have at some point in the show thrown in a "Thankyouverymuch."
posted Thursday, July 31, 2003

 "I like having breakfast with you."
"Me too. We should do that more often. Except that would mean I'd have to get up earlier...on the other hand, maybe the fact that it happens so seldom is what makes it special."
Whew, that was close.
posted Wednesday, July 30, 2003

 A conversation I'm waiting to have:
"So, where'd you meet her?"
"On the internet."
"Oh, you mean like a chatroom or on-line dating service?"
"No, I got her on e-bay."

Addendum: I'm assured by the party involved that, had she been on ebay, "You could not have afforded me." Sad but true. I couldn't even bid high enough for that R2-D2 telephone.
posted Tuesday, April 08, 2003

 I offered to go with my girlfriend to the gynocologist, but she declined, which was just as well. It's not like I'm itching to go to a gynocologist, although it occurs to me that some people might be...
posted Wednesday, April 02, 2003

 I heard on the news last night that the government believes Saddam Hussein may be dead because they haven't been able to locate him. Isn't this the opposite of the logic they used to determine that he was hiding weapons of mass destruction?
"We can't find Saddam Hussein, therefore, he must no longer exist."
"We can't find weapons of mass destruction, therefore they must be hidden very well."
Someone just squeaked by in that logic course, didn't they?
posted Tuesday, April 01, 2003

 I've been eating healthier. I've been biking to work every day. What do I have to show for my newfound athleticism? You guessed it: Althete's Foot.
posted Friday, March 28, 2003

 I had a dream the other night. There were three bears in it: one brown bear and two polar bears. Here's the thing: the brown bear was clearly real, but the polar bears were just people in costumes. Now I understand that sometimes in a movie, say Hotel New Hampshire for example, you might throw in a person in a bear suit for ease of shooting, safety, and perhaps cost effectiveness, but not in my dream. Am I having low-budget dreams these days? Were the bears even outside, accross the road from my Dad's house, like they seemed to be, or were they on a sound stage? It's just so wrong. I can't beleive my subconscious could be so cheap. I mean one of them even waved for Pete's sake! I think they pulled someone I knew from some other dream, stuck them in a costume, and said, "Okay, you're a bear in Rob's dream. Go!" Pathetic. If I find out who's in charge of casting in there, they are so fired.
posted Wednesday, March 26, 2003