| 10. |
A copy of the song, "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia."
It'll be good mood music. Of course you'll need a tape or CD player that
runs on batteries, and then you'll need to find the some batteries to put
into it. Look for a flashlight to empty. They're usually a good source
of batteries. Of course being that the song comes from the time
of vinyl and 8-tracks, you might not find it on CD, so you may have to
substitute REM's "It's the End of the World As We Know It." |
| 9. |
 Prince(or
"the Artist Formerly Known as") album covers, posters, t-shirts, etcetera.
Basically anything flammable. Not only will it be a good source of heat,
should you lose power and/or gas when the clock strikes midnight, but by
January 1st, you'll be so sick of that stupid "1999" song that watching
your Purple Rain poster crinkle and blacken in the flames may very well
be your happiest moment in the new millennium. |
| 8. |
 Slinkies. At least one per house.
Not only is it a great, battery-free toy, but you know that trick where
you make a "phone" with two cups and a string? Well a slinky can replace
the string and it's far more durable. So if your phone service is interrupted,
it'll just take a couple of hours to network the slinkies and you can be
back in business. In urban areas, the Original Slinky® should
suffice, but in rural areas, the Original Super Slinky®
would be preferable. |
| 7. |
A dolly or perhaps a wheelbarrow, or some other moving equipment.
When the looting starts, you don't want to be one of those goons trying
to carry everything through the streets, that'll really limit you.
You want to be prepared for the big haul: I'm thinking 50 inch screen,
I'm thinking Picture-in-Picture, and SmartSound, too. Just look at it this
way, when all hell breaks loose, don't you want a piece to remember it
by? Kind of like the Berlin Wall, but try to get stereo surround sound
out of a German hunk of rock. |
| 6. |
 The phone number to Pizza Hut or another nearby pizza place. If
we lose power, the grocery stores may not open for a while, and a guy's
got to eat, right? Of course the phones may go too, so make sure that every
house between you and your local pizza parlor has a slinky. |
| 5. |
Shrine to the patron saint of riots, looting, and mass mayhem. I'm
not Catholic, so I don't know who this is. Maybe there isn't one. In the
unlikely event that there is no such saint, we'll have to get one. I nominate
Rodney King. "Saint Rodney, please see us through this time of trouble,
and please get me and my new Sony Home Theatre home safely. Amen." |
| 4. |
 You might want a can opener. Not only for the traditional use of
opening cans, but it has other uses even after you've finished off the
last of the canned goods. After all, who knows how long it'll take for
power and sanity to be restored? Whether there's a can in sight or not,
when you spin that thing around, the cats'll come a-runnin', just like
magic. Oh, and you'll also be wanting a large pot. |
| 3. |
Aspirin? Maybe. If you "partied like it was 1999" last night, you'll
be rooting around in the dark for the Tylenol, but remember, we don't know
how long the power outages will last. Those explosions going off in your
skull may be your only source of light for the next week. |
Y
2.
K |
 Bill Gates
Voodoo doll. Let's be fair now. This isn't Bill's fault. But you have to
take out your frustrations on someone, so why not the man whose name is
synonymous with buggy computer programs? Besides, that's one person who
you know isn't sitting in the dark trying talk on a slinky. |
| 1. |
And most important: You need to have one good friend who has actually prepared for the Year 2000. You know the person I mean. The one people snicker at because they've been stockpiling food and supplies before anyone even mentioned the Year 2000 Bug. And this friend shouldn't just be a co-worker, either. They have to be a good friend, preferably someone who owes you their life. Of course that's not always possible, so remember that a survivalist is usually open to bargaining. Just make sure you have something they want. Mention that you have a slinky. That's the one thing that most people forget. |